A scintillating dream is nothing but illusive threat when it comes way too close to interact with the reality. Threat of what? Bijaya thought he knew but obviously he did not. Now, he only wish I did.

Punjab University in Chandigarh is where he was supposed to be soon. Dashain was zooming in and he was certainly in festive mood. Srijana was her name but Siru is what he knew her with. Siru.

He always considered BaluwatarCumMaharajgung neighborhood, where his mamaghar is, a dull place. Dinesh, his kanchho mamako chhora, was and still is a great friend of his. In fact, when he is in good mood, he even calls him his best friend. On Ghatasthapana day, Bijaya went to Dineshýs house and found him on the kausi. Bijaya said *letýs go to Bhagwatibahl * Dinesh agreed but was not swift as before. He seemed a bit disoriented as they talked there waiting for cups of teas. *Where are you lost?* Bijaya asked. Pointing at a house a couple of hundred yards away with his sparkling eyes Dinesh said *there *. Bijay threw his eyes and scanned the house Dinesh referred to only to be surprised pleasantly, of course. Keeping his blessed eyes steady at that celestial beauty, who was anchoring his eyes, he asked Dinesh *who is she?* ýSiruý He replied. Then, promptly questioning to himself the validity of the adjective *dull *for his mamaghar neighborhood, Bijay duly revoked that adjective with joy.

Dinesh told Bijay that Siruýs family moved to the house just last week. The marvelous looking Chinese-bricked house, which the previous owner had put up for sale when his daughter ran away with the domestic help guy a day before her scheduled engagement with an engineer, was a glowing with Siru. Siru, soon became the, yes THE, point or perhaps dynamic center of attraction for a pack of nabayubaks like Bijay. The ultimate goal for him like all others, nawayubaks, there was to penetrate the core of that dynamic center and remain there to stabilize the dynamism in Siru to such an undisputed extent that favored his intent. Here * his * represents every competing nawayubak. Although the task was tough, and failures were rampant but the goal appeared to be so rewarding- then- that the relentless devotion within him kept on countering toughness of the task. However, the devotion he defended with passion for the goal was terribly flawed. He only knew later when his own heart refused to vouch him ignoring his repeated vociferous appeals.

It was the Maha-Astami day and Bijay was at Sobha bhagwati (swabhagwati) with Dinesh. Bijay was defending his eyes as they cross the Bisnumati bridge for swabhagwati saying he saw Siru there at the Indrayani temple. ýYou see Siru everywhere these days-No wonderý Dinesh maintained. But Bijay was right. Outside the temple, they met Siru, and her parents. Being in joyous mood, perhaps, the father offered them the ride back home. The father sat with the driver on the front passenger seat, and on the back seat Dinesh sat with the mother and with the providence of bhagwati Bijay was blessed to flank Siru on her left side. This was the first step. *do jism ek jaan jai ham * repeatedly came to his mind. The thought of that morning still warms his body up even after many years.

From the first step, Bijay took more steps upward and tried never to look back for sometime. Steps were rough in the beginning but he maintained his devotion to overcome many hurdles. The victory that was long recorded and accepted by other challengers meant less and less as the days passed by. People said Bijay and Siru are in love but he neither knew nor cared what that being in love meant. Now, he was looking for a distinct victory, defined by others but accepted by him- of course. Swept by those irrepressible intense emotions, he relentlessly kept on pursuing his front to record the victory they said would be the sweetest.

One fine afternoon, he showed up at his mamaghar. Dinesh was not there but found Siru talking with his grandmother. Siru made it clear though not directly that all her folks left for Budhanilkantha in the morning except herselfýshe couldnýt join them cuz she was having severe pain in her stomach---now since she was bored staying alone at home she came over there to chat with Rakshya (Dineshýs sister) only to find her out -----Then throwing a splashing look at him she left. He sat there for a few minutes but could not concentrate.

With erratically beating heart Bijay found himself standing right in front of Siru at her house in no time. The conversation that continued with him asking her about stomachache took a flaring turn. Suddenly when he found himself completely occupied in quelling her reservations with the pretext of vows and promises, he paused a bit but then he had to defend his goal. Epitome of surrender is what he thought he encountered when he successfully defended his victory. Many years later, he saw how badly was he defeated then.

Bijay was convinced that for a victorious person, the front or the cause upon which victory was defended held only a historic value. This conviction of his perhaps is solely responsible in challenging him to say later that the goal he vied for was terribly flawed. This is perhaps why he said what said *a scintillating dream is nothing but illusive threat when it comes way too close to interact with the reality. *

Very soon BaluwatarCumMaharajgung neighborhood did not exist for Bijay. He was rarely seen around there. Then, He left for Punjab University in Chandigarh. He occasionally asked to himself * Siru? Who Siru? *

Dinesh, in his first mail, said a lot about Siru but Bijay skipped all that part and read what did not touch her. He looked above the chandigarh sky to chase away the swamping feeling he was attacked with. He also received numerous mails from Siru. Although, he did not read any of them but neatly kept all of them for the reasons unknown. As months passed, he started to read Dineshýs letters very carefully especially related to issues with Siru. Dinesh did not write about something he was waiting but scared to read. Every time, he replied to Dinesh he was careful enough not to touch, even indirectly, on Siru. Siru was like a textbook that he read and passed the previous year.
---
[kam ma pelyo--ek chhin ma lekhchhu hai]

Hyaaa...bicha ma "Madhyantar/Intermission" gari diyera....suspense....

Aba oothera samosa ra coke liyera aai sakee...feri shuru hosh.!!!!

He was gradually receiving less and less letters from Siru but he was happy with that. Finally, she stopped writing him altogether. Then he felt a bit sad. Really. Time took off and flew. He had no choice.

Bijay came back to the town. Found many things changed. New houses everywhere, new people. He was changed too. Hesitated a bit before heading out to his mamghar but was subtly intrigued as well, he must admit. Once again he was at Dineshýs Kausi. Dinesh introduced Bijay with the new guy he was with- Sameer. Sameer probably sensed Dinesh and Bijay had a lot to catch up with so he soon left them there. * who is this Sameer ?* Bijay asked Dinesh. Pointing at a new house across the street, Dinesh said *thatýs his house *.

Dinesh also added * but Sameer has no sisters * . Bijay did not say anything but he understood what Dinesh meant. After a brief talk, Dinesh, suddenly became serious and said * Sameer and Siru are going out these days *. A slight shock jolted Bijay inside but he maintained his composure. Dinesh added Sameer is what you are notý and Siru also trusts him * Bijay got his point. He tried to acknowledge Sameer and Siru are wildly in love with with each other but what he could not acknowledge, though, is he still had some residual love for Siru. Worthless.

Bijay did not like Sameer. Why not? He tried but could not explain to himself, of course. He had not seen Siru since he returned back to Ktm. Since he knew Sameer is the new guy with Siru he wanted to see herýspeak with her---apologize may be. He really wanted to apologize for his earlier behavior with Siru but he was afraid. Afraid of the loss he sought and already gained.

Dinesh, with Sameer came to Bijayýs house one afternoon. They all talked about many things. Bijay kept on thinking about asking about Siru but he couldnýt. Sameer, before leaving with Dinesh, softly said, *sorry * looking at Bijay. * What for ?* Bijay asked. Sameer paused but did not say anything and left. That * sorry * kept chasing Bijay all the time. He picked up the phone later and called Dinesh to ask about that. After a short conversation Dinesh said, * sameer knows about you and Siru --- he felt that he took your girl away* . With a flash he saw Siru but nothing more. Siru- a celestial beauty, indeed. Bijay thought and went back in time to search what he could never find. *What and how much does Sameer know about us-Siru and I? * Bijay asked but neither Sameer was there to answer nor he could directly ask Sameer about what he had in mind.
Bijay slowly realized he was getting neutral with Sameer, but he also was increasingly obsessed, in the background, with the thought of Siru. He knew his thought patterns are wrong so he fought to suppress them as deep as he could. After a couple of month, Bijay considered Sameer as his friend thinking Sameer is doing what she should have done long ago but his evaluation favored Siru more than Sameer. Bijay, Sameer, and Dinesh had good times together in Kathmandu.

One rainy evening, Sameer by himself came to Bijayýs house. Bijay was a bit surprise but not a whole lot. During tea, Sameer put a file on the table close to Bijay. * What is this ? * Bijay asked. *take a look * Sameer replied. Bijay opened up the file --- goose bumps blanketed his body. He recognized Siruýs handwriting. The letter Bijay looking at was addressed to Sameer. He ýBijay- quickly knew the passionate letter was written to Sameer. Reining his racing heart, Bijay looked at Sameer, who was quietly looking at him. Bijay closed the file, put it back on the table and said * I donýt want to read your letter * . The situation was a bit tense. Bijay said, *letýs go to Kausiý ýhe wanted some fresh air to refresh him. It was still drizzling up there.

After dinner when Bijay came back to his room, he saw the file still lying on the table. Perhaps Sameer forgot to take the file with him. His heart took off again. He did not want to read but he read all of the letters in that file. He was petrified. Completely.
Next morning, he wanted to read all the letters Siru wrote to him when he was in Chandigarh. He opened up the box where he had kept them but could not read. Not even a single one. He called Sameer next morning to come and pick up his file. When Sameer picked up the file, he asked *Did you read?* *No * Bijay replied. Soon after,

Bijay left for the United States.
Bijaya after coming to the US did not ignore Sameer. One day, Bijay received an email at his work from Sameer. Sameer wrote * --- Siru and I got married at Manakamana temple this past Saturday --- ----- * Bijay got up from his chair---walked back and forth in the hallways and told supervisor he is sick and left the work. He felt like someone fired a bullet right through his heart. Although he sent a congratulatory reply to Sameer, he felt devastated.

A month later, Bijay received another email from Dinesh * Sameer committed suicide yesterday* . Bijay was completely stunned.

*Why did he do that? * Bijay was spinning out of control. * Did he know about What I never wanted him to know about Siru and I*? Is that why he committed suicide? * He did not know. Bijay started to get angry at Sameer and deeply worried about Siru. When Bijay called Dinesh to learn more, Dinesh snapped at him *what do you care? you destroyed her life --- poor Sameer *. Dinesh also told him he knew about Siru and Sameer got married at Manakamana but that was not official. *What? * Bijay was lost on void. Dinesh roared *now you fix the mess you created, can you* . *How ?* Bijay asked. No answer.

Bijaya missed Siru. He felt sorry for Sameer. He wanted to fix the mess he created. *How? * As hundreds of times before he asked to himself. But this time his heart questioned *Can you marry Siru, now ?* Without even considering the potential response from the lady he completely destroyed, Bijay paused a moment and replied to himself *how can I marry a parastri?*

Once again, A scintillating dream is nothing but illusive threat when it comes way too close to interact with the reality. Bijay's conviction was reinforced.

Nissasiyeko mastishka lai nichod-da, uff ko pasina chuhinchha. Attiyeko man pagalna khoje anavigyata ra almal ko parakashta napinchha.
Deep ko katha le pathak haru lai namitho vumari ma pachhadeko chha. Bhumari ma rakhera bodh gyan ko rahasya kholne bidho, pathak lai nai thamyayeko chha.

The ironic ending is well balanced. Few secrets really don't deserve to be remain hidden. But I like it. Kinda reminded of my 'glory' days. Grip on the language and narration is very strong (drifting away from the Sajha style to literary style).
By the way, Maharjgunj a boring place? Say what?

DWI,
lekhai ko sima bhaneko paathak ko bishleshan ho bhanne mero manyata raheko chha.

"By the way, Maharjgunj a boring place? Say what? " Tippani ko sanket Maharajgunj prati nabhayera manle khayeko taruni tya nahudako tathya prati sanket gareko ho prabho Bijaye bajje le.

Nabayubak lai taruni nabhako tham sabbai boring---Maharajgunj hos ki Vikharigunj---garne ke?

Devkota le chhan gedi sabai meri chhainan gedi sabai tedi bhanya jasto nabayubak lai
chhan taruni tolai party chhainan taruni tolai pati --- yastai thyo prabho kunai din.

Happy Dashain.

Damn!!!

Kuro gahiro raicha!!!

Good (sad story)!!!

Bijay seemed like a guy who would not face upto the girl. Someone who is not decisive.

Just my take.

Kancho! koon Bijaya ko kura garya? woohi..Bijaya ho ki kya ho..woohi kya woohi...samjhyo ? :-)

Hamro Deep sir lay chhutti nai chainey gari lekhecha yo patak..bistaar ma padhamla ma chai..napadhikana dher nabolam...nice estori bhanera ke lekhai bho ra napadhikana..

Jiradai,
Nauratha lagyo---ma bholi byanai tarch lait ma byatri rainchha bhane tire balera nai bhe ni aamchhu jiradai kaha hai ani tya tyo chautaro bata lusukka jay bageswori tira lagera pashpati tira oralo lagam ani pahile ganga misthanna bhandar ma hijadale lyako chya tanera kailash tira lagam--bhyaye tyai bela natra---saanjh saanjh pakh ki ta bisworup nabhaye ram mandir tira katai nabhaye bhandarkhal ma ta farakai naprne gari shivabuti tannu parchha--- kaso ta ? baru marichdai lai tyo ram mandir ko sadhu ka hunchha ki gobardhan baba kaha hunchha pathai rakhne ho ki?

Jira Man....

Samjyo ni!

Oota Nepal ma oosko bihay hunee din maa yeta keta haru sanga paisa
oothayera "tragedy party" garya ni samjhyo.

Bessari beer khayera snow ma topi harako ni samjyo. Repeat gari gari Cars ko "Whose gonna drive you home" sunya pani samjyo.

Haansee haansee faansee diya ni samjyo.

Samjhana ta kati kati.... :)

Jira :

Ani Deep ko "PARASTRI" padhera malai tyo timro "Parastri gaman" pani yaad aayo

Rajibdai le hanya gaff ni samjhiyo ki Kancho le ki jira dai le Rajibdai lai ghutukkai nildya chha achel?

Kancho le yasari bharkhai ghar jam garera basya hamro dai ko ijar yasari sajha ma na tandya bhe huni---parastri gaman ko kura garera---budeskal ma garya be bhadkauna tira lagna bhe na ni----aba yo minosota ko niwas ho ra bhanya---ram ram ram--

Hamro Jira Man suruwal man ta paraundaina....Gyantees bhako track pants launee ko k ijaaar hunu ra tannu.

Parastri gaman bhayeni Jira sarhai sojho ni.

BTW, ghachhi story!

deep sir! aam aam..latthi ra torch bokera jhismissaima aam...dajubhai milera taruni haruko pacchi laagdai laamla guiswori ko oralo bata pachhyawundai mathi pugesi uzyalo ma mookh herni gari...auni 6.30 tira pashupati ko dhoka ma basera chya khandai arko ek haat pheri side maaramla..tara kyarnu..tyo hotel sotel ta aba chaina aajkaal..taruni haru bhaney awunchhan....Rajib dai lai ni bolawuni ki :-)

kancho! sabbai samjhya cha..aurna bhainsi lay IT ALREADY SUCK bhanya ni samjhya cha...jaand ko bottle herera musumusu haasya ni samjhya cha...aaj pheri hya zado zado bhayera aai ra cha..pharkinda 1 twaak siri chyapera ghar janu paryo kyarey!!!

Parastri gaman ma janda gadi ko sancho extra pair liyera jana nabirsanu bhanne sikchya prapta bhako...

Feri minus 10 degree ma surakchya khol kinna janda lock out bhayesee..runu na nahansnu huncha ... Hagi hagi?

kanchho le gyanteeis syantees ni chudai dine sur kasya jasto chha----khattam hune bho--

ram ram jhannai chiplechha ye--