An elderly woman goes to the
doctor and asks his help to
revive her husband's sex drive.


"What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.


"Not a chance," says Mrs. Murphy.
"He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."


"No problem," replies the doctor. "Drop it into his
coffee, he won't even taste it. Try it and come back
in a week to let me know how you got on."


A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor
and he inquires as to how things went.

"Oh it was terrible,
just terrible doctor."

"What happened?" asks the doctor.


"Well I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was
immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at
the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to make
passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible."


"What was terrible?" said the doctor, "was the sex not good?"


"Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years,
but I'll never be able to show my face in McDonald's again."

Why do men like smart women?
...Opposites attract.


Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
...Because after 20 seconds they forget what happened!


Why are dumb blonde jokes usually short?
...So men can understand them.



Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
...To stop the snoring before it starts!



How do men define a
"50/50" relationship?
...We cook - they eat.
We clean - they dirty.



What's the smartest thing a man can say?
..."My wife says..."



Why do women live longer than men?
...Someone has to stick around and clean up after them!


Why is Mr. Potato Head the perfect man?
...He's tan, he's cute, and if he looks at another woman
you can rearrange his face.



Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
...Because none of them will stop to ask for directions.



What did God say after creating man?
...Hmm, I can do better

In the hospital the relatives gathered
in the waiting room where their
family member lay gravely ill.


Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm
the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces.




"The only hope left for your loved one
at this time is a brain transplant."


"It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will
have to pay for the brain yourselves." The family members
sat silent as they absorbed the news.


After a great length of time, someone asked,
"Well, how much does a brain cost?"




The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and
$200 for a female brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in
the room tried not to smile avoiding eye contact with the
women, but some actually smirked.


A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted
out the question everyone wanted to ask.
"Why is the male brain so much more?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and so to the entire group
said, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the
price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."

A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than
men. He showed her a study that reported that men use an average
of 15,000 words a day, but women use 30,000 words a day.


The wife promply told him that women use
twice as many words because they have to
repeat everything they say to men.


Looking stunned, the husband said,
"What?"


"Women use twice as many words because they have to repeat everything they say to men!"

TEST

AGAIN?

bleeeh sorry!