Rachana is arriving today.

Rakesh kept on bouncing in and out of sleep all night long. Fire works by the government center at midnight, and elsewhere all night compounded his excitement even more. Crisp morning of a New Year day refreshed his joy once again. Lying flat on bed he gazed at the ceiling, and saw something slowly building up there. The picture became clearer and clearer with Rachana glowing in red outfits with diamond and gold jewelries sitting next to him at the mandap under the witnessing stars. He even noticed a line of sindoor flashing right through her parted hair. He could not watch the ceiling any more. As he slowly closed his eyes, Rachana quietly sneaked in through his closing eyelids and led him away to their room at kathmandu where they found each other to themselves. Jolted, Rakesh got up, and looked out the window. It was still snowing outside since last evening. He brought his eyes back to his room then picked Rachana?s smiling picture up from the nightstand and felt like he soared with her radiant smile. He knew then what does multitudinous excitement mean.


Rachana?s flight was scheduled to arrive at 11:15 AM. *It?s already seven O? clock*, he said then corrected with *Oh! Still have 4 more long hours to chase*.

Rakesh picked up a bouquet- of two-dozen red roses- that he had bought just a few minutes ago and was ready to leave as the clock read 10:30. Right then, his phone rang. He was about to ignore the call but saw a close by hospital name on the caller id. *From hospital?* He asked to himself then picked the phone up.
Hello..with an alert voice Rakesh responded the call.
*May I speak with Mr. Rocky please..* A lady spoke at the other end.
*Rocky!* Rakesh paused a bit. The only person who called him Rocky was Rachel. He never let anyone else call him by that name. Rakesh did not think it was Rachel on the phone. *Speaking is he* Rakesh could barely hear himself.
He answered affirmatively when the lady on the other side asked if he knew Rachel. Then, the lady from the hospital said that Rachel met a terribly bad accident just a while ago and is brought to the hospital in critical condition. The only contact information they found so far from her is of his.

Rakesh took the information from the lady and hung up the phone. He quietly sat on the couch. His heart was sinking and mind crashing like the clouds in thunderstorm.

Fifteen minutes left before Rachana were to land at Logan. All his dynamic excitements were being washed away with every drop of tears he was trying to hold. Rachel always told him not to look back if he wanted to move on. *You can neither come back nor wait to what you have left behind, so why waste life over something that was once but can never be yours again?* Rakesh did move on. In fact, he had moved on even before Rachel told him to. He got engaged to Rachana when he was still married to Rachel. Rachana never knew about Rachel but Rachel calmly offered Rakesh, when he returned after wedding, a warm congratulatory message with a beautiful card, which he just yesterday moved to his office drawer from home. Rachel never asked *Why?* nor did she throw, not even once, a negative comment for his betrayal. The way she let Rakesh go with all her dignity intact always hurt him inside.

He pulled out his permanent resident card and closely looked at it. Rachel was written all over it. Although, he was going to flatter Rachana by showing *R* inscribed on the ring that he was wearing on his right ring-finger, but that R really meant Rachel.


Since Rakesh came back after his wedding, the only communication he had with Rachel was that congratulatory card. That card had a note too which clearly requested him not to contact her any more. That was about nine months ago, and he truly had honor Rachel?s request.

Rakesh moved three times in the past nine months. He moved to Boston just a couple of months ago from a Midwest state. And now his number is not even listed any more. He was surprised about how Rachel had his address and phone number. Was she coming over to see him? Perhaps wish a Happy New Year to him personally? Or spend a moment or two together for old time?s sake? Rachel had him as her contact surprised Rakesh even more.

The plane that brought Rachana to Rakesh must have already landed but Rakesh was still trying to figure out where does his loyalty rests first. He sat on the car headed toward the airport arguing back and forth.

It?s now more than an hour since the plane landed. As he passed the hospital on his left, he remembered what Rachel used to say, *..move on, Rakesh. Don?t look back. You can never move on but be lost if you ever try to wait for something that will never come back to you.* Rakesh put more pressure to accelerator to pass the hospital as soon as possible. He looked back through the rear view mirror and did not see the hospital any more. Red-rose-bouquet was quietly resting on the passenger seat. He then took the immediate next turn then a couple of more turns, then parked his car. As he entered the building, his cell phone rang. People looked at him but he swiftly turned off his phone before anyone could comment.

He saw Rachel surrounded with doctors. Rakesh understood the essence of the moment when an attending doctor told him that Rachel perhaps is living her last moments. He stood there numb for a few more seconds. A couple of more people came to see her. He did not know who they were. Rakesh could not share the life with Rachel but did pause to see the life, which once was dedicated to him, flickering.

Rakesh came out to smoke and turned the cell phone on. Saw 10 missed calls. The phone rang again. It was Rachana, who was almost crying.

Without thinking much he ran to his car. Closed his eyes for a moment then started the car and as he was about move on ?Rocky!?, Rakesh heard Rachel whispering from behind. Goosebumps blanketed his body. With lightening move he fixed his eyes on rear review mirror, all Rakesh saw was a leaf, a solitary one, falling with dead silence within.


*****
Please correct as you read. I am feeling down today. I just wrote and posted. Don't want to proof read. I have reflected my heart here.



Happy New Year 2005 to you all.

Is Rakesh a cad? A two-timing sob? Do I feel sorry for him? Yes to two initial questions and a big NO to the last one.

How is your mood by the way? It is already third day of 2005. I hope it is much better :).

Let me come to the writer's defense, although I am sure Nepe's review is a constructive criticism.
It is very apparent to the readers, the pre-existing relationship between the protagonists of the story, Rachel and Rakesh.

Although I agree, and I believe this is what Nepe meant, that had the writer included some instances of golden memories between the characters, the quality of their relationship might have come out and the ending would've been more touching. BUT, that would make the story SO TYPICAL. By unturning few stones, Deep has left the guessing works to the readers. This is a short story, and trust me Sajhaites don't like to read anything more than 2-3 paragraphs of continuous sentences. The absences haven't made a big loss to the story and the title of th story kissing the end of the story provides the necessary literary icing on the cake.
A good criticism nonetheless, to a well deserved writer.

Nepe sir,
swasti gare hai maile.

I am glad that you stopped by. I am pleased to note your comment. I agree with you that I need a lot of improvements in my writing to call myself a writer.

Let's address your points with due respect. Let me begin with saying that the peice was written fairly quickly, say within 30 minutes, without paying too much attention to the plot or technicality of the writing. The above statement, however, should not be considered as an excuse for a weak presentation though. I accept full responsibility for my writings, however good/bad they are.

"The major weakness, or call it a room for improvement, is to ignore to expose or rather to confuse the quality of the relationship between Rakesh and Rachel."

I thought whatever I exposed regarding the relationship between Rakesh, and Rachel was enough to conclude a story (if it is qualified to be called so) in one post (6500 characters). You have brought a good point regarding the "quality of relationship between Rakesh and Rachel". Respecting the magnitude of a concept such as "quality of relationship", what I would like to say about that is if you look at the writer, he sounds like a psudoRakesh (this is important for readers to acknowledge this fact). The writer does not talk much about Rachel. Rakesh himself never analyzed the quality of his relationship or the essence of it with Rachel. Rachel loved Rakesh for love.

Flow of love followed this pattern : Rachel to Rakesh to Rachana to .... (this part I did not talk about).

"जान्ने हुन खोज्या क्या ? "
I appreciate the fact.

maile lekhda lekhdai NK didi ra DWI dai ko comments thapiyechhan.

NK didi,
meri bassai......darshan gare---la basam basam yata gundri ma. dui twak jaad khayera khalanayak here si ta ma changa bhai hale ni---

ho byare tyasto Rakesh bhate ko sorry feel bhayo bhane ta sorry ko mane nai fernu pare na ta, meri bassai.

I felt sorry for Rachel, then subtly for Rachana but not for Rakesh, of course.

DWI,
prabho, yata muda chha---ali milyaera basam hai feri chhedla baaska kaptera le-euta duita baira niskya chhan---

you are right. I was trying to make the story short. Believe or not I used the first paragraph, which dwells on Rachana, to introduce Rachel. That is why the paragraph is a bit decorative.

Quality of relationship is a very complex concept. I did not want to get into that. I only tangently passed through the concept thinking that would be enough. I very much understand and respect the point Nepe (sarkar lekham ki jasto lagchha tara feri ganatantrabadi lai gaali gare jasto hola bhanera nalekhne bichar gare) has made.

"Mind that it is not the quality of the relationship among characters but the writer's interpretation of that is what will be the actual strength of this story. " (Nepe wrote). From Rakesh's side I did interpret the relationship. It is obvious. If any reader is confused on how Rachel loved Rakesh, then I accept the weakness. I am saying, Rachel loved Rakesh for love and perished in vain.

ye sach.chi---NK le is Rakesh a cad? lekhya re chha hai maie ta is Rakesh a cat? dekhi ra bhanya---dekhne bittikai lagyo ho--ho---la daka Rakeshe biralonai ho---Rachel ko prem ko rakshak hunu parne ma daka bhakshak bhera ajha greencard walletmai bokera hindo re chha ye nakkacharo---yasari taat.tai thiye feri herchhu ta is Rakesh a cad po dekhchhu-----ho ho bhate kyadai ho---

aaja afno mukhya characterlai dherai peliyo ganthe---ram ram ram----jira dai chilim pusera aamchhu bhanthe khai----

There is a myriad of possibilities, let's say, from a coldly calculated fake relationship to a genuinely passionate one, and various cocktail of those two extremes between Rakesh and Rachel. Yes, Rachel has been exposed suggestively, although not in a believable way. However, as for Rakesh, the writer is keeping it from the readers. Therefore a trust between the writer and the readers has not been established, without which it is not going to be a good literary piece.

And thank you, DWI and Deep, for your inputs.
रचनात्मक आलोचनाको तोकको लागि धन्यबाद छ है ।

जिरा दाइको चिलिममा पनि कति ध्वाँसो लागेछ भन्या घाम अस्ताउने बेला भइसक्यो अझै आइपुग्दैनन् बा!
हैन, दिप ब्रो! लाल्टीन बालेर खोज्न जाम् कि? अँधेरी रात छन् हराएर तल बहिरीकाँ पसे कि?

Nepe sir,
"There is a myriad of possibilities, let's say, from a coldly calculated fake relationship to a genuinely passionate one, and various cocktail of those two extremes between Rakesh and Rachel."

Although true, your point here is quite vague as well. Especially, when you throw in a wide as horizon spectrum of relationship by saying "various cocktail of those two extremes". All relationships fall on this various cocktail of two extremes, don't you think?

When speaking for Rakesh, I wouldn't call the relationship between him and Rachel a coldly calculated one. The adjective "coldly " is too harsh here. Rakesh had have feelings for Rachel, no doubt, but was a quivery one. Of course, Rakesh's relationship to Rachel is a calculated one. The story clearly demonstrates that fact. For a example, look at this expression from the writer ".. He got engaged to Rachana when he was still married to Rachel" What does this behavior of Rakesh tells you, a reader?

"Yes, Rachel has been exposed suggestively, although not in a believable way."
I think I provided enough hint to the readers to consider Rachel's love to Rakesh was genuine. I did offer no other reasons for Rachel to be in relationship with Rakesh except for love. May I ask what made you think Rachel's position is unbelievable? What should a short story writer have done here to establish her faith on Rakesh in a believable way? I am asking this for my own knowledge. If I agree with your position, I may adopt that in my future writings. I am in a learning mood, and want to remain in this mood as long as I can.

"However, as for Rakesh, the writer is keeping it from the readers. "
Now, here I don't agree with your comment. What did writer keep about Rakesh from the readers? I think response above already addresses this comment.

"Therefore a trust between the writer and the readers has not been established.."
Since this *therefore* above heavily relies on "however" ("However, as for Rakesh, the writer is keeping it from the readers. "), which I disagree with, I spare this expression of yours my response.

Finally, I am not arguing whether the piece I presented here is literally a good one. This is for readers like you to decide/feel. So, I respect your evaluation of the piece with care.

My sincere thanks -again -for your constructive crticism.

****

DadaGiri bro,
jira daile aba chilim silim lyaudainan---dhoka thunera srimati sangai basera hare ram hare kisna ko geet sundai tani ra chhan rey "nagaharu baat" bhandai---aba trunk call garera arko chilim magaunu paryo ram mandir bata.

meri bassai "coldly" lai ta adverb lekhchhu bhanera adjective po lekhde chhu---aru pani ke ke ghar ghur bhako hola ram ram ram----

****
dui piles momo khana paye ni hune---bharkhar bahira churos tanera aako---kasto jaado ho yessima---

Tyo andra bhudi nikalera heryo bhane ta Shakespeare ko writing ma pani katti fault cha katti. Anatomy and constructive criticism has always been helpful, but i believe even for them to be justifiable, it has to be reasonable.

Aba tyaso bhaye constructive criticism ko pani counter constructive criticism dinu parne huncha :)

Malai ta sarai ramro lagyo baaaa... and i actually liked the fact that the writer has left for us to imagine,create and feel the relationship betn Rachael and Rakesh aka Rocky.

Ma pani kunai din tasamla mero rachana:)... khali lekhna baki.. ani tasamla:)
Deep guru malai sakti deuuuuuuuuuuu,

IndisGUise:)

P.S: Tyo dada giri bro ko ghoda ko masu napakeko le chepati lagera hairaan cha :).. polna pugena ki?

Deep, म डिसी बाट अन्तै बसाईं सरेको गोडा २४ एक घण्टा जति भो, व्यस्त छु भन्नुपरो । अलिक फुर्सदमा बात मारौला है ?

ओ हो! केटा हो हेर त, नेपे जी पनि चितवन झर्नु भो रे? हैन, यो पहाडमा भका सप्पै जान्ने सुन्ने बुझ्ने चितवनतिर झरेर गाऊँ नै सुन्य हुने भो नि फेरि ।यसो गर्न थालेसी गाऊँको विकास कसरी हुन्छ त खै... ... ...!

Deep & IndisguiSE ,

ल घोडाको मासु मात्र हैन यसो मेरो कविता नि हेरम्। खास अर्को थ्रिडमा लेख्या, ह्याँ नि टाँस्दिन्छु। शिर्षक शिफारिस गरम् त नेपे जीको टोपी जस्तो, चट्ट सुहाँउदो।

म गन्तब्य बिनाको यात्री
आशाका किरणहरु सबै निरासामा बदल्दै
टाउकोमा गुण्टा बोकेर
एक्लो निरास रित्तो मन लिएर ।

मेरो सपनाको प्रचण्ड पथ
मनमनै भत्काउँदै
साहदत प्राप्त मेरा दौँतरीहरुसित
मनमनै लाजको भिष माग्दै
म ढकालटार बाट निस्किँदै थिएँ ।

Khai Deep bro, Ma ta adverb nai dekchu. :o

Sarai, ghambhir lkhecha dada giri bro :)

Alik ujyalo lekhauna... rashilooo.. i know ur a master at it :), nevertheless, Last ko tin line alik khulasta parim na bro.

Prachanda path... ke yo maobadi ko prachanda patha bata predeet cha? hehehe
timro lekhai ko ta fan chu dada giri bro. Baru ghoda ko masu ko ramraree polne ho ki?

IndisGuise:)

DadaGiri bro,

jawos jawos aru ni jawos--

दादागिरीजी, म त उँधो होईन, उँभो हुँदो पो सरें बसाईं- नयाँकोट तिर । बसाईं भन्दा लिल बहादुर क्षेत्रीको उपन्यास "बसाईं" को सम्झना आउँछ, र फेरि तर्पे तर्पे तपाईंको कथाहरुको सम्झना आउँछ । घच्चीका ठेट नेपाली कथा लेख्नुहुन्छ तपाईं । तर क्यार्नु, तपाईं erotica मिसाएर हामी भलादमी पल्टेका बुज्रुकहरुलाई कोक्याएको स्वाँङ पार्दै कथा पढ्नु पर्ने बाध्यतामा पार्नुहुन्छ ।
---------------
तपाईंको कविताको अन्तिम पँक्ति त यस्तो मौलिक छ; एउटा नयाँ शैली नै पादुर्भाव भयो कि जस्तो लाग्छ । शैली नै नभए पनि विम्ब चै पक्कै हो नयाँ ।

मलाई निराशावाद त्यति रुच्दैन । तर संक्रमणकालिक निराशालाई भने सकारात्मक अर्थमा हेर्न सकिन्छ भन्ने मेरो आग्रह छ ।

तनहु?को ढकालटारस्थित माओवादी पुनर्स्थापना केन्द्रबाट शुक्रबार रिहा भएपछि घर जाने तरखरमा आत्मर्समर्पणकारीहरू । स्वतन्त्रता, सुरक्षा र रोजगारीको माग राख्दै ९ दिनदेखि अनशनमा उत्रिएकामध्ये १३ पर्ूव माओवादीलाई केन्द्रले घर पठाएको छ । बा?की ८६ जनाले भने अनशन जारी राखेका छन् ।
(तस्वीर : घनश्याम खड्का )

Thanks Nepe Jee, Deep Bro & Indisguise Bro!
For the comments.

I wondered what they were thinking at the MOMENT in the picture.

Ani KAVITA furyaa... ... ...ni.

हुन त कुरा बासी भैसक्यो, तैपनि जबाफ फर्काउँला भनेर देको वचन पुरा गर्न ढोका खोल्या यो थ्रेडको ।

कुरालाई संक्षिप्त पारेर यति भन्छु : Deep, you have added interesting lines about the characters of your story.

"Rachel loved Rakesh for love"

"Rakesh had have feelings for Rachel, no doubt, but was a quivery one."

I was exactly looking for this kind of sense of familiarity of the writer with the characters, or put differently, the extent of exposition the writer is willing to make- but in the story, not outside the story, not off the record. मैले भन्न खोज्या कुरो यहि हो ।

Rachel को बारेमा थप कुरो, she is an unusual character in the story. Off the record कै कुराले पनि she is an unusual character. Love for love's sake त्यो पनि एउटा विदेशीलाई, अझ त्यस्तो "धोखा" दिईसके पछि पनि बाँकी । यस्ती विचित्र चरित्रलाई पाठकले 'पत्याए पत्याओस्, नपत्याए घीचोस्' भने झै बाँकी कुरा सम्पूर्ण अन्धकारमा राखेर प्रस्तुत गरियो भन्ने मेरो टिप्पणी मात्र हो ।

खास वर्गका पाठकका स्वाद, धैर्यता, प्रौढता आदि ईत्यादिलाई ध्यानमा राखेर कथेको कथा भए चैं मेरो भन्नु केही छैन । कथा त मैले पनि स्वादै लिएर पढ्या हुँ ।

A Leaf A Solitary One

Part II

Hi! I am Rakesh. I think I did not introuduce myself properly in the first installment of the story. I apologize. So ,here I am. Love me or hate me but I am who I am. I am 5'6", good- looking. Can I tell you something? Women love my eyes. But I have to be honest with you. My mouth is drooped somewhat. Lower lip is kind of thin and gives me a cynical look. I think Rachel fell in love with my eyes. Only if she had looked closely to my lips... And Rachana? Well, the marriage was arranged so she will love everything about me, I hope. When Rachael asked me to "move on" I did indeed very fast. Actually, I had moved on even before that. That is how I "found" Rachana. Actually my parents did. Poor Rachael. Don't get me wrong. I do feel sorry for her. It's just that I could not help myself. I think my gene is sort of bad. (Daddy, mommy and my purkha please ignore this!)

contd...

[;) Deep, I hope you don't mind. I saw this thread still hanging so I could not resist. btw dada giri, i liked your poem. mitho cha.]