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 LOVE:Unspoken

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Posted on 01-18-05 1:29 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Hey all sajhaietes,
I have written a piece from my side. Can you Please read it and comment from ur side. If u want to read more..please post it I will continue it a series...I promise with twist and turns...:-)...anyways Write comments and U may share ur writings too....No boundaries...
here is a piece from me..

LOVE: UNSPOKEN
It was Friday. I still lied there still awake...Homework to be finished. Homework never fascinated me, the only reason I did it was to escape from the punishments. Also I have to finish it now, tomorrow we were to shift apartment. With my father working as whole-timer in a Communist Party at that Panchayet era, there was frequent change of places for us and continuous change of friends. With homework finished, I went to bed? there was whole new day ahead.
Strange eyes were peering into us as we transferred our goodies into our new dwelling. We were used to it with so much of shifting places. But I still remember those hazel eyes watching me as if I were a prince from Caribbean. There was much more works to do rather than watching back to those eyes, rooms to be cleaned and set up.
She was our flat partner's daughter. We were in other words next door neighbors. I think she was 7-8 in those days, I exactly don't know, never asked. After she saw me the first thing she told her parents was that she would marry me someday. With her mother so much chit chatter, the marriage thing was now widespread all over the flat within 2 days. With myself being only 11 years at that time, I was so irked by the fact of marriage. My entire cousin soon knew about this and my marriage was gossip of the town, and I simply hated her for loving me. My cousins would tease me every time I meet them, which irritated me more.
She used to come to talk with me; I would irritate her with my gawky voice whenever she came near me. I was petrified of gossip of marriage. I would confine myself whole day in my room on holidays rather than to talk with her. She was only friend available within the community but I was rather reluctant to speak with her moreover to be friend.
It was raining that day, I was just watching the drops of rain falling on the ground, wanting to go and get wet in rain but afraid that mom would scold. I didn't notice her but next thing I knew was she was just sitting next to me.
"Rainy day, huh??" she started the conversation.
"No, a sunny one, with sunlight everywhere." I started my mission.
"Do you like to get wet on the rain??" She asked.
"But where is the rain?" same gawky voice.
"I always like to play in the rain, it is so much fun." She stood up, and walked toward the rain, without even being irritated with my replies.
"That is what I also want to do" my inner soul told to me.
Without even caring of mom's tough rebuke, I also ran toward rain. Next thing I knew was we were playing in the rain, carefree and like flower children, the children of nature. We were all wet, all covered with the mud and all dirty, but who cared when one can have so much fun. That night I was thoroughly scolded by my mom. But that day, a friendship started, not to end I thought.
 
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Posted on 03-22-05 8:33 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Nirman.....ohhh...what a climax...i never expected that but i guess the ending surely justified the theme of the story LOVE:Unspoken. I enjoyed every words of your story and yah it was bit sad to see the end of this thread...but i hope u will keep writing in near future ....GREAT WORK DONE....hats off to U.

Indisguise and Danny dai ..he he he ..thanx for ur well wishes...and Nirman too...he he he ...and SRISTI...the beautiful gal with killing eyes and long hair (yeh hawayee julfo main teri....he he he remember that??? ) ...thanx for all the kind words and compliments to me....and ya 3 years was quite long gap isn't it...... i was really surprised.........and now i hope u do more talking than staring ...he he he
 
Posted on 03-22-05 9:20 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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" I had never seen her eyes so sad before, I had seen pain, I had seen happiness, I had seen joy, but never that sadness. "

Pain yet not sadness. Pain coz of her family's turmoil, but yet not sad, coz you were there. And I wonder, how those pained eyes must have spent infinite hrs in sadness & pain after you left. It just struck me. That phrase.

A thin line separates both (pain & sadness) yet, it was so easy to understand. Damn Nirman, I always enjoyed this story, but the ending was so vivid, and intense that this, my friend, is one the very BEST piece that has EVER graced sajha. I MEAN it. And your title, ahhhh PERFECT.

Love; unspoken is very hard. One feels like one's heart is wrapped in an air tight bag. Hard to breath. Chatpati huncha ni. Hehe. It's funny that how now, try as we may, we fail to feel the same emotion.

Anyways, hope we can hear in between (& after) the line's. Like wot shez doin now, Ever met afta that and stuff. Your ending made this story a sajha epic. I bet hundreds of silent readers must have enjoyed the simple emotions you so vividly protrayed by your words.

Bravo.

IndisGuise:)
 
Posted on 03-22-05 9:56 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Nirman da,
Wonderful!! That was great. "Love without expectations". I agree.
I was reading this right before my mid-term test. Couldn't stop myself.
Sad that this has ended. Hope to see more from you.
Keep writing.
Jasmeen
 
Posted on 03-22-05 10:00 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Big applause.... again... actually... i m really satisfied with wht Indi wrote... perrrfect interpretation of how u felt after reading tht.... u got the words man.... i felt the same way but couldn't describe the way u did...k garne writing kala nai chaina jasto cha mero blood ma... sooo sad.... n nirman... could u plzz illustrate a lil more about tht grl.. did u meet her again??... non of my business... but juss outta curiosity...hehe .later
 
Posted on 03-22-05 10:21 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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My addition:
we were like archie comics characters at school...never really took things seriously and as we grew gruop between me and my four best friends..we had gazillion boys coming in and out of our lives..all whimsical realtionship..

Then the tragedies hit us:we fell in love. Veronica fell for archie who died after 8 yrs of being together.
Betty shifted gears after archie (the love of her life) fell for veronica.

Ethel found her Jughead and never got out of the hamburger joint.

And i was the Josie from Josie and the puusycat ..that i fell for a rocker...we lived in the same apartment, worked in the same place and went to the same school..haung out in the same joint bars..he dated my classmates and i dated his......for almost 3 years...

Everybody in the world kne that we were in luv ..inseparable..except for us..and then suddenly it hit us... wrong time wrong day...we had no expectations..just madly in luv..no words spoken nothing at all..

Finally it got to a point where i cudn't work in the same room as he and i flew at least 100,000 miles.....and dated 100,000,00000 guys...but still haven't stopped thinkin about him...

i guess we shouldve expected something from each other.........everyday in the morning i wake up to see if i'm in his arms...

wo idhar hota to kai sey hota.. ..Yeh kahan aagayain hum...hahhahaha

enough of luvvy duvvy stories for today
 
Posted on 03-22-05 12:25 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Nirman broda, man man man, the story was just awesome. Ending padhda ta, i felt like, its happening to me right now. I nearly cried out loud. Very touchy story, and ending directs it more into heart. Great work broda. Great matra le timro kaam lai ta barnan garna mildaina, tara pani I am saying it. I am hoping to read some more of ur stories in the future. Lot of time I went back to the old memories of my schooldays, while reading ur story. It had a great power of engulfing readers into in. It was just awesome.

Dunno wat more to say.

Nice work and will be waiting for more in future.


Forgot to mention, congratulations to Ardent and Sristi

re kya.

keep the spriti high guys.
 
Posted on 03-22-05 12:26 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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great novelette. Nirman you were simply fantastic. Anything that comes out of your heart is deeply touching and your story was no less than that. It's easy to comment but takes a great character to write such a nice piece of literature. You have a good nick, keep it up mate. I enjoyed every bit of your love- reminiscence.
 
Posted on 03-22-05 8:59 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Thank you all of u ppl...I have now naak like ghiraula jatro as Indi bro would say...but i m all blushed... never got such an appreciation...m thinking of writing another one...will post if i write....thank you all ...And New bro...Mah real Name is Nirman too...don't like to be in disguise....;-)...:-P..keep posting
Nirman..
 
Posted on 03-22-05 9:29 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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sab jana ko tarif ma mero tarif ta fikka parcha:o)
tyahi bhayera kehi lekhdina bhaneko tara ur story ekdam man paryo nabhanee basnuu nai sakeena..
well as usual. same old thing to say>>>keep writing:o)
 
Posted on 03-23-05 12:16 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Thank you Ruina ji....Tapain ko taarif the mero laagi special ni..U were the first fyan of my story....thank u very much once again..will write more sooner....aani indi bro no hard felings hai..just writer Fyan ko naata..anyatha linu hundaina hola bhandai bida chahanchhu...:-P...
Nirman...{*_*}..
 
Posted on 03-24-05 12:00 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

wo idhar hota to kai sey hota.. ..Yeh kahan aagayain hum...hahhahaha

enough of luvvy duvvy stories for today

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Hey hush..why don't u try to contact him ...maybe he is also feeling same..just a thought hai..well I just feel like contacting her too but haven't got any contact adress..so bad luck for me..hope u get love of ur life..thats all i wanted to say....
 
Posted on 01-08-07 1:18 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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WOW!! i cried at the end ke!! :(
awesome nirman! :D
 
Posted on 01-08-07 2:52 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Super awesome,,,
there are some people who fail to recognise love at first and realise it later when its gone but there are still some other people who can never recognise nor realize what love is...U know what,, u should dedicate ur story for those who doesnt understand what love is and what it feels to be in lovee.....
nailluuu juggu dada was asking why did we divorce re????
i lop ya sweet muuaccxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
Posted on 01-08-07 3:36 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Last part is simply awesome...........
while reading that part .......... i cud imagine into ur place Nirman.............
i have no words to describe ......
thanx that u shared ur lovely feelings
 
Posted on 01-08-07 3:47 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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I know his writing was lovely and it has been 2 years since he posted. Wonder where he is lost!!
 
Posted on 01-08-07 4:30 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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>>>...and it has been 2 years since he posted. Wonder where he is lost!! <<<<

Rythm, hehehe.. Do you believe in reincarnation? :P ;)
 
Posted on 01-08-07 4:44 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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I definitely do mapey! :-) Hope everything's well at your end!
 
Posted on 01-08-07 4:46 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Wonderful piece Nirman!! Just really really nice to read :) Please do keep writing.... well start writing again actually, we'd love that! :D
 
Posted on 01-08-07 7:48 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Katai yo pani ta copy ta haina nirman...... sankai lagyo...

express ur talent don't copy others........ alright....... and don't try to get others attention............ LOL>...............

I guess this is frm urdu........I guess I am rite.......
 
Posted on 01-08-07 8:06 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Nailu,
U cried re..:(:(
I don't want to see you cry k..Now smile smile..:)

Angie,
Yeah sometimes u value the love only when they left you! I guess I dedicated this piece just for her!!!

Batas,
Thanx!!..:)

Rythm,
I guess I am not the only one who vanished!! Somebody stopped writing too, Remember the story that is yet unfinished..:p. Well I am busy with the things called exams:(
How r ya these days??..:)

Chitre,
:O :O
What u talking about..;)

Flippy,
Shhhhhh...Yo kura kasailai nabhana hai..:p

Lemon,
I will as soon as I get time. Thanx for reading!!..:)

Pratii,
No comments!!..:)
 



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