I saw the scariest bumper sticker ever last week. It read- Vietnam Vets against John kerry- Knowing my perky sister some heckling was inevitable. she got on to the adjacent lane, rolled her window down and started screeching- hey, nice bumper sticker man. This vet, who looked like he was gonna flicker off any moment, had half of his head hanging out his car and still couldnt understand her. So we started waffling with these guys. scary man. You'd think this guy would strangle you if you mentioned war right? He goes- Kerry?, I don't think he's aggressive enough- I'm like -what do you want? George Bush's daughter to consummate with Ronald reagan's son so we can mould this super evil thing? The day that happens, i swear to god , George Bush is gonna start zygoting Bin laden's chromosome with michael jackson's.(dont ask me why michael jackson)
i got hitchhiked last week by this fellow and after withstanding a barrage of census bureau like questions, he asked me if i was married? sensing some hijniks, i told him i was. he livened up.- So you're not married? " No, I am." NOT married huh? I'm like " No, i'm married, got married last year.- "wow, not married eh? The next question stifled me to a point where it made me look like a testicle less deer caught in a headlight- he offered me oral sex with extremely vivid descriptions- big big huh? big big? I told my sister i was so super miffed that he didn't even ask me to marry him first and disunite with my wife. what balls man? She goes "Nimto liyera jau na ta hami nai, bichara lajayo hola".
I don't get it. why are people against homosexuals? It's like a new fad to dislike them. Homosexuals are so mellow man, unless you think like a republican. And there is way too many furcking people in this world anyways, atleast we will have that problem solved.
Cops man, sometimes it gets so frustrating not being able to repugnate, it becomes super hysterical. This cop rammed into my aunt's car last week totalling her headlights. she can't really silver-tongue the language you know, and this pig gave HER a ticket for failing to yield and running into HER car ,when she was well inside the line. We are like WTF man. What has this world come to. It's like, you know, uh, you despise the cops a little bit more than the Earth hates the moon on a solar eclipse day but you can't do anything except stare at the moon to see your own loony reflection glare back at you.
been summering at this microbiology lab now- my mentor, he's been around for so long, he can tell what bacteria you have been culturing from the smell of your fart- Like someone said, we feel like a windshield wiper on a goat's ass- constantly ploughing, meditating with the bacterias- It gets so mundane or maybe ethereal- you begin to think in five dimensions man- I feel like the bacertias are talking to me , chastising me -saying-Look you Furck, Haah, You thought you were super human huh? Look, what you're doing..Just helping me grow. I have one of those-oh,-i've-seen-you-before- face. my mentor tells me -thats coz i look like a porn star,(UHH HUUH, now i know why i got hitch-hiked and why he made that insinuation) and the harlotized bacterias have started mutinying.
Do you guys ever have a hard time saying something funny or uncanny at home sometimes?with my family it was so hard to even plant a humor seed, forget about actually saying it. We used to cook voraciously at home- even when the fridge was super full- and noone bothered to eat for days. I'm like- Mamu katti khana raicha, aba ta export garna thaley pani bhayo" my mom gives me a gruesome,republican stare and yells back- Katti karaucha yo, khana khanu parena. Makes me double think the whole joke thing and i realise the fridge needs to be full too, otherwise the cold air inside it would be bored and die.
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