Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there Indra bhagwan says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes Indra bhagwan with the ugliest man she ever saw.

Indra bhagwan chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes Indra bhagwan , who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day Indra bhagwan comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

Indra bhagwan chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

HAVEN'T WE ALL HAD A FEW OF THESE ERRORS?

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rajesh, the computer guy, to come over. Rajesh clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?" He replied, "It was an ID ten T error." I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that ? in case I need to fix it again?"

Rejesh grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
So I wrote down . I D 1 0 T

Teen Poverty in America

I just spent several hours observing teenagers hanging out at our local mall. I came to the conclusion many teenagers in America today are living in poverty. Most young men I observed didn't even own a belt; there was not one among the whole group.

But that wasn't the sad part. Many were wearing their daddy's jeans. Some jeans were so big and baggy they hung low on their hips, exposing their underwear. I know some must have been ashamed their daddy was short, because his jeans hardly went below their knees. They weren't even their daddies' good jeans, for most had holes ripped in the knees and a dirty look to them.

It grieved me, in a modern, affluent society like America, there are people who can't afford a decent pair of jeans. I was thinking about asking my church to start a jeans drive for "poor kids at the mall." Then on Christmas Eve, I could go Christmas caroling and distribute jeans to these poor teenagers.

But here is the saddest part..... it was the girls they were hanging out with that disturbed me most. I never, in all of my life, seen such poverty-stricken girls. These girls had the opposite problem of the guys they all had to wear their little sisters clothes. Their jeans were about 5 sizes too small! I don't know how they could put them on, let alone button them up. Their jeans barely went over their hipbones. Most also had on their little sister's top; it hardly covered their midsections.

Oh, they were trying to hold their heads up with pride, but it was a sad sight to see these almost grown women wearing children's clothes.

However, it was their underwear that bothered me most. They, like the boys, because of the improper fitting of their clothes, had their underwear exposed. I never saw anything like it. It looked like their underwear was only held together by a single piece of string.

I know it saddens your heart to receive this report on condition of American teenagers. While I go to bed every night with a closet full of clothes nearby, there are millions of "mall girls" who barely have enough material to keep it together. I think their "poorness" is why these 2 groups gather at the mall, boys with their short daddies' ripped jeans, and girls wearing their younger sisters' clothes. The mall is one place where they can find acceptance.

So, next time you are at the mall, doing your shopping , and you pass by some of these poor teenagers, would you say a prayer for them?

And one more thing ... Will you pray the guys' pants won't fall down, and the girls' strings won't break?

I thank you all,

A Grandmother

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.





MORAL:

Don't Mess With Little Old Ladies

How about this one...

A blonde is speeding along in her red Corvette convertible when she hears sirens behind her. She pulls over and looks at the police officer approaching her car.

The police officer is also a blonde. She asks the driver, "Ma'am, did you know you were speeding? Please hand over your drivers license."

Blonde driver: What does it look like?
Blonde cop: It's square, and it has your picture on it.

The blonde driver rummages in her purse for a few minutes and then pulls out a mirror and hands it to the cop.

Blonde driver: Is that it?
Blonde cop, after looking at the mirror for a moment....

"You can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."