-Bihari professors
These are some english terms used only by bihari professors

A new lecturer (a Bihari professor) was unable to control the class.The guys were just talking without giving any attention to him. So he wanted
to send a guy who was creating most of the problem out. But he does not know
how to put it in English.. He went near the guy. Shouted "follow me" .The guy followed him till he went out of the class. Now the lecturer turned back and again shouted "Don't
follow me" and went inside the class..........

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Inside the Class :
Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
Cut an apple into two halves - take the bigger half.
Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away in the corridor
You, meet me behind the class. ( meaning AFTER the class.. )
Both of u three gets out of the class.
Close the doors of the windows please .. I have winter in my nose today...
Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....
Take 5 cm wire of any length....
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About his family :
I have two daughters. Both of them are girls...(?)
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At the ground :
All of you, stand in a straight circle.
There is no wind in the balloon.
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To a boy, angrily :
I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk ?
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Giving a punishment :
You, rotate the ground four times...
You, go and under-stand the tree...
You three of you, stand together separately.
Why are you late - say YES or NO ....(?)
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Sir at his best : Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see
one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did not see them. So the next day at school... (to that boy ) - " Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre

2 Old Ladies & A Condom

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke (that's the only place they could smoke at the nursing home) when it started to rain.

One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Lady 2: "What's that?"

Lady 1: "A condom."

Lady 2: "Where'd you get it?"

Lady 1: "You can get them at any drugstore."

The next day, Lady 2 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a package of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, in her 80s), but politely asks what brand she prefers. "Doesn't matter," she replies, "as long as it fits a Camel."

1. At the movies:
When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer: - Don't u know, I sell tickets in black over here.

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your
feet...
Stupid Question: - Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer: - No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia...why don't you try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people asks...
Stupid Question: - Why, why him, of all people.
Answer: - Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question: - Is the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??
Answer: - No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally
also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years...
Stupid Question: - Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer: - Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question: - Is the guy you're marrying well?
Answer: - No, he's a miserable wife beating, insensitive lout...it's just
the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question: - Sorry. Were you sleeping?
Answer: - No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa
marry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question: - Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer: - No, its autumn and I'm shedding...

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question: - Tell me if it hurts?
Answer: - No it won't. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
Stupid Question: - Oh, so you smoke.
Answer: - Gosh, it's a miracle ............it was a piece of chalk and now
it's in flames!!!

SOURCE:: http://www.ioez.com

A drunkard man
A man got really drunk one night in his local pub. The barman refused to serve him any more alcohol and told him he should be heading home. The man thought this was a good idea so he stood up to leave but fell over straight away. He tried to stand up again but only fell over again. He thought if only he could get outside and get some fresh air he'd be grand. So he crawled outside then tried to stand up and fell over again. In the end after falling over lots more he decided to crawl home. When he got back to his house he pulled himself up using the door handle but as soon as he let go he fell over again. He had to crawl up the stairs and managed to fall over onto the bed and fell asleep. When he finally woke up the next morning his wife asked him what he was doing at the pub last night. He denied it but she said, "I know you were there..." he maintained his innocence until "...the barman rang to say you forgot your wheelchair again...."

A Few Days Off
Two bone weary public servants were working their little hearts and souls out. Their department was just too busy for staff to be able take flex. But there had to be a way...
One of the two public servants suddenly lifted his head. "I know how to get some time off work" the man whispered.

"How?" asked the second worker.

Instead of answering, the man quickly looked around. No sign of his Director. He jumped up on his desk, kicked out a couple of ceiling tiles and hoisted himself up. "Look!" he hissed, then swinging his legs over a metal pipe, hung upside down.

Within seconds, the Director emerged from the Branch Head's office at the far end of the floor. He saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he thought he was doing.

"I'm a light bulb" answered the public servant.

"I think you need some time off," barked the Director. "Get out of here - that's an order - and I don't want to see you back here for at least another two days! You understand me?"

"Yes sir", the public servant answered meekly, then jumped down, logged off his computer and left.

The second worker was hot on his heels.

"Where do you think you're going?" the boss asked.

"Home," he said lightly. "I can't work in the dark."

A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read: ?Here lies John Smith, a lawyer and an honest man.?
?How about that!? he exclaimed. ?They?ve got three people buried in one grave.?

A Long Life?

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near-death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation, and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years?"

God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

Nice . Enojyed . Thanks