I had heard about "heartache"-- an abstract noun that describes pain that in itself is so abstract-- sometimes it is considered being renamed "abstract-ache". Doctors cannot diagnose it and people like me consider it to be an overreaction over a failed case of love; or it might be an over fixation over somebody after the day when red and yellow hue of the sky changed into purple, flowers started blooming and brought a tingle of fresh scent of roses mixed with Britney Spears fragrance. Symptoms for 'heartache' supposedly include having heavy-heart (due to increase in heart's weight in pounds or is it just another abstract term?), fatigue and thinking about somebody with ridiculous monotony until the lights get knocked out of one's forehead leading to a trance-like stage where one is capable of doing anything including creating an explosion out of nothing but a jug of water, a bead of mint toothpaste and a restroom full of toilet-papers. Drunkenness and introverted-ness have also been recorded in some individuals. However, the most common symptom seen is the inclination of the individuals to relate the lyrics and the implication of popular songs to their own lives. Somehow they believe that the song: "Look into my eyes……." is sung by Bryan Adams solely to express the subject's passion towards his beloved; or that James Blunt sang "GoodBye my lover….." just to convince the broken heart that they were never meant to be together; also used as a signal that now they're "just friends" and not lovers.
Well, all that is ridiculous isn't it? How can a perfectly sane person go nuts over a smile of a girl? How can a practical person who keeps tracks of all his pennies and cents waste money over a bunch of red roses; and worse, he cannot muster up enough courage to give it to the girl he has in mind. Why waste money, time and resource when the male to female population is almost 1:1 and a guy will eventually find a girl no matter how many circles he runs trying to impress one. These were intriguing questions that we used to poke fun at in our late evening gatherings.
These evening gatherings reminds me of the beat-down walls built with gnarled wood, that somehow muffled the sound of the rock music and avoided a minor case of earthquake. The heavenly calm and peace of the night got blended with heavy-metal music transmitted via three 800-watt Laney amplifiers and somehow the entire issue of peace and chaos hung in balance. Smoke used to fill up the top basement-like room (we could not figure out what it was). We used to light up incense to keep some curious noses guessing whether it is weed or just another religious gathering complete with sandalwood scent. Outside, night used to settle its thick curtain of darkness that was occasionally punctured by the dimly-flashing greenish lights of the fireflies. All the guys had their own stories about different girls they met and had affairs with and how it started from heartache and ended with headache. I had no such experience so I listened to them patiently with part pity and part indignation on how they could waste their time on trying to impress some dumb girl in a pursuit that would logically lead to marriage-- and getting married meant no more gatherings, no more weed and it also meant getting stuck with one girl, always! How wrong I was............
Time went on and all the guys got scattered and separated. But, those old days still hung on my head like the smooth rings of smoke wafting through the air, the sound of crickets chirping in accord with the beat of the drum lingered in my ears and the wild laughters repeated again and again in slow-motion, fading into long and mournful drawls. But then, something happened that changed my perception about life completely. You guessed it- I fell for a girl and only then I began to feel the real pangs of heartache. No kidding, I went through all the symptom that science has yet to prove exists. I strangely began to believe that I want to be a better person just for her sake. Although, I have not yet mustered enough courage to go tell her how I feel about her, her radiance has touched me infinitely and for the first time I can feel my heart beating against my ribs-- increasing or decreasing in intensity triggered by her thoughts. The pain is real, yet it is addictive. Her innocent nonchalance and gentle smile is stealing away my sleep, and yet her inner strength commands my genuine respect. Her movements and grace is matched only by the swaying of wind-kissed bright-purple lilacs that cover the undulating landscape in beautiful Swiss-alpine highlands. Yet, she is totally down-to-earth and amazingly easygoing.
I saw her yesterday morning-- during my usual run around her dwelling hoping to get a glimpse of her. She had just gotten off her bed and her hair hung loosely that accentuated her flawless features. Concealed among the crowd of people, I looked at her and felt that I could watch her forever. I felt I could fall in love all over again, and carry this heartache till eternity until she kisses me and redeems me.
She left the scene and I slowly drove away. Aerosmith's "I don't want to miss a thing…………" was playing on the FM and I felt like the song was written solely for me--it was me telling her how I would stay awake all night just to hear her breathing, how I would watch her sleeping while she is far away dreaming and how I wouldn't miss a single thing because I want to treasure every moment spent with her.
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