by David Zinczenko
Thu, Aug 16, 2007,
A guy in a good relationship is, for the most part, a pretty happy guy - and most of us know how lucky we are.
In fact, 75 percent of men would grade their current relationship as an A or a B, according to a poll of more than 2,000 men for my book, "Men, Love & Sex." But there are three main sins that can turn a man from happy to "hey-where's-the-door" in no time.
Lying is the first one, and unless you're lying to yourself, as well, you know how not to do it. Nagging is the second, and you'll know you're doing it when the words you say are immediately followed by the thought, "I sound just like my mother!"
But the third deadly sin is harder to spot in one's self, because it often looks and feels just like love. I'm talking about clinginess. Men are hard to decipher on this point, because they value in women both vulnerability (they want to be your hero) and independence (they want to be left alone once in a while). He wants you close; he doesn't want you on him like a freshly dried sock. Here are some signs that your relationship Velcro is about to endure a loud ripping noise.
Needy Sign 1: Your Over-Under on Daily Phone Calls is Two*
Fine, you need to check in once during the day to see if you're set for dinner, and then once again later in the day just to fill him in on what happened to your boss/friend/grandmom, or just to say hello.
You make more calls than that? The unspoken message is that maybe you don't trust him, or don't have enough to do yourself, or are relying too much on him for everyday satisfaction. All are turn-offs-and, in all likelihood, grounds for tuning out.
* Three, if you have kids.
Needy Sign 2: You Insist on a Joint E-mail Account
Oh, how nice it is when "Bob and Karen@yahoo" can e-mail "Joe and Linda@yahoo" to set up the night at the Italian place on the 20th. Not really.
While there's no problem with joint bank accounts, joint car loans, and joint mortgages, there's a not so subtle message that's sent to guys when their Internet activity is being monitored like it's under the eyes of a 24-hour surveillance camera: That you don't trust him a lick.
There's certainly some dangerous ground online (and I can't deny that plenty of men abuse their electronic privacy), but tightening the cyber-noose too much in the beginning of a relationship can send the signal to a man that he's not going to have an iota of privacy anytime or anywhere.
Needy Sign 3: You Update Him on the Latest Celebrity Gossip
Granted, a lot of men don't like to talk. And granted, a lot of men could be more talkative, better listeners, and more of an emotional sounding board for their partners. But some men are like cars - they have only so much emotional and conversational fuel before they run out of gas.
Of course, there's nothing wrong with banter about such inane stuff as Britney, Lindsay, or who's dating whom, but do that too often with a guy, and he may wonder if there's something wrong with your other social networks - which would make him think that he's going to be obligated to carry more of the social weight than he's ready to handle.
Needy Sign 4: You Don't Have Your Own Poker Night
Get this: 64 percent of men say they're happy to have time to themselves when their girlfriends have plans. A lot of men want their ladies to go out and do stuff on their own, whether it's through hobbies or socializing or working.
One, that away-from-each-other time ensures that women have their own independent outlets. And two, it gives men a chance to have their own testosterone release. If this doesn't happen - at least occasionally - resentment and frustration can build, because the unspoken message is that you may not have enough of your own independence to respect his.
Know a few other needy signs? Share them here. And guys: Lest you think you're off the hook, here are 10 ways that women are judging you.
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