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gahugoro
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Posted on 10-11-07 9:15
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विवाहको उमेर
रुवी रौनियार
हाम्रो समाजमा विवाहसम्बन्धी दृष्टिकोणमा समष्टिगत तथा समुदायगत विविधता छ । विभिन्न जनगणनाले यसमा परिवर्तन देखाएको छ । ग्रँमीण तथा सहरी समाजमा विवाहसम्बन्धी सोचमा भिन्नता रहने हुनाले वैवाहिक उमेरमा विविधता स्वाभाविक रूपमै आउ“छ । पुरुषको तुलनामा महिलाको विवाह कम उमेरमै गर्नर्ुपर्छ भन्ने भावनाले लैङ्गकि आधारमा विवाह उमेरमा भिन्नता पाइएको छ । २०५८ को जनगणनाअनुसार ग्रँमीण क्ष्ँेत्रमा २२.५ वर्षो उमेरमा पुरुषले विवाह गरेका छन् भने महिलाको विवाहको उमेर १९.३ वर्षात्र छ । त्यसैगरी सहरी क्ष्ँेत्रमा महिला र पुरुषको विवाहको उमेर भिन्नता छ । सहरी क्ष्ँेत्रमा पुरुषको विवाहको उमेर २४.५ र महिलाको विवाहको उमेर २०.६ वर्षछ ।
जनगणनाले विवाहको उमेर महिलातर्फन्यून देखाउ“छ । ०१८ सालमा पुरुषको विवाहको उमेर १९.४ वर्षथियो । महिलाको हकमा १५.१ मात्र थियो । यो उमेर बढ्दै गई ०५८ मा पुरुषको २४.५ र महिलाको १९.३ पुगेको छ । नेपाल जनसांख्यिक र्सवेक्ष्ँण सन् २००६ ले महिलाको विवाहको उमेर १९.५ वर्षदेखाएको छ । यहा“ विचारणीय के छ भने १९.४ वर्षत विवाहको उमेर पुरुषको हकमा ०१८ सालमै थियो । जबकि २१ औं शताब्दीको सुरुवातमा आएर महिलाको वैवाहिक उमेर बल्ल १९.५ वर्षपुगेको छ । यही कम उमेरमा विवाह हुनु महिलाको वैवाहिक समस्या तथा हिंसाको एक कारण बन्न पुगेको छ ।
यसै सर्न्दर्भमा हालसालै यस्तै वैवाहिक हिंसाबाट पीडित रेखा गुप्ता भन्छिन्- मेरो विवाह रोशनकुमार साहस“ग ०६१ साल वैशाख १६ गते जनकपुरधाममा धुमधामसाथ दुवै परिवारको राजीले भएको थियो । हाम्रो उमेर धेरै फरक थियो । मेरो उमेर श्रीमानको भन्दा कम थियो जसले गर्दा विवाहको दर्ुइ वर्षा असमझदारी सुरू भयो । घरका परिवारले मेरा श्रीमानलाई मेराबारे झूटा कुरा गरी कुटपिट गराउने, सम्बन्धविच्छेद गरी श्रीमानको अर्काे विवाह गरिदिने भनी शारीरिक तथा मानसिक पीडा दिनथाले । बिरामी भई केही दिनसम्म मेरो अध्ययनमै बाधा पर्न थाल्यो । हाल आएर श्रीमानले मलाई बहुलाको झूटा आरोप लगाई काठमाडौं जिल्ला अदालतमा विवाह बदरको मुद्दासमेत दिएका छन् । -आ“खाभरि आ“सु) विवाहको मिति तय हुनु चार महिना अघिसम्म हामी घन्टौं साथमा बिताउ“थ्यौं । सबै ठीकै थियो । चार महिना त धेरै हुन्छ, एउटा मान्छेलाई बुझ्न ।
हामी घन्टौं कुरा गर्दै स“गै हि“ड्थ्यौं र घन्टौं धेरैजसो समय स“गै बिताउ“थ्यौं । त्यतिखेर उहा“लाई केही लागेन र आज विवाहको दर्ुइ वर्षछि ममाथि नानाथरी झूटो आरोप लगाई मलाई शारीरिक तथा मानसिक हिंसाका सिकार बनाएका छन् मेरा ससुरवालाहरू ।
रेखा गुप्ताको हरेक महिलास“ग अनुरोध छ कि विवाह भन्ने आरोप खुट्टामा उभिएरमात्र गर्नर्ुपर्छ । आर्थिक रूपले महिला सशक्त छिन् भने ऊ वैवाहिक हिंसाको सिकार बन्नबाट अवश्य पनि बच्न सक्छ । उमेर पनि कम्तीमा २० वर्षनाघेपछि मात्र महिलाले विवाह गर्दा हरेक पक्ष्ँबाट राम्रो हुन्छ ।
त्यसैगरी एमए प्रथम वर्षसमाजशास्त्रमा अध्ययन गरिरहेकी रिता पौडेल भन्छिन्- हाम्रो सामाजिक मूल्य-मान्यता र धार्मिक विचारले गर्दा महिलाको विवाहको उमेर कम हुनगएको छ । मुख्य कारण अशिक्ष्ँा र आर्थिक अवस्था हो । प्रँयः महिला अशिक्ष्ँित भएको कारण आर्थिक रूपले कमजोर छन् । महिला स्वयम् पनि के चाहन्छन् भने हुने श्रीमान अलि ठूलो उमेरको र कमाउने होस् । आर्थिक रूपले परनिर्भर र सानो उमेरले गर्दा उनीहरूलाई परिवारको निर्ण्र्ााप्रक्रियामा समेत सहभागी हुनबाट वञ्चित गराइन्छ । कतिसम्म हुन्छ भने महिलाले कतिवटा बच्चाबच्ची जन्माउने निर्ण्र्ाामेत लिन सक्दिनन् जुन उनको जन्मसिद्ध अधिकार हो ।
यस्ता खालको निर्ण्र्ााश्रीमान्ले नै लिन्छन्, किनभने उसको उमेर श्रीमतीभन्दा बढी हुनाले उसको बुद्धि र सोच्ने शक्ति बढी हुन्छ भन्ने नराम्रो सोच हाम्रो समाजमा विद्यमान छ । समाजमा रहेका यस्ता कुरीति, कुप्रथाप्रति दुःख प्रकट गर्दै विवाह त समान उमेरमा हुनर्ुपर्छ भनिन्छ । जसमा एकअर्कालाई बुझ्न र साथीजस्तै व्यवहार हुन्छ । त्यसैगरी अधिवक्ता निता गौतम दीक्ष्ँित भन्छिन्- महिला र पुरुषको हकमा विवाहको उमेर हाम्रो कानुनले नै तोकिदिएको छ । जसअनुसार आफूखुुुसी र दर्ता विवाहको हकमा महिला र पुरुष दुवैको विवाहको उमेर २०-२० वर्षहुनर्ुपर्छ र बाबुआमाको राजीखुसीअनुसार गर्दा दुवैको १८-१८ वर्षपुगेको हुनर्ुपर्छ । तापनि अझै हाम्रो कतिपय क्ष्ँेत्रमा यी कुराको जानकारीसमेत हाम्रा दिदीबहिनीलाई छैन । जसको अनुभव उनले रौतहटमा गरेको एक महिना वैवाहिक प्रशिक्ष्ँण कार्यक्रमबाट पाइन् ।
अधिवक्ता दीक्ष्ँितले हालै रौतहटका तीन गाविसमा करिब १ सय ५० महिलालाई विवाह, पोपर्टर्ीीाइटजस्ता कुराको बारेमा शिक्ष्ँा दिने, चेतना फैलाउने, महिलालाई आफ्नो हकअधिकारबारे सचेत गराउने उद्देश्यले कार्यक्रम सञ्चालन गरेको बताइन् । जसमा प्रत्येक गाउ“मा ५० जनाको महिला समूहलाई राखेर कक्ष्ँा सञ्चालन गरिएको थियो । अधिकांश महिलाको विवाह १० देखि १२ वर्षभत्रमा भइसकेको तथ्य पाइयो । यो न्यून उमेर हो । यसरी कम उमेरमा विवाह हुनुको कारण पत्ता लगाउ“दा उनले अधिकांश महिलाले आफ्नो छोरीको विवाह छोटो उमेरमा गरेपछि गवना गर्नु अवस्थामा छोरी ठूली भइहाल्छिन् भन्ने कारण पत्ता लाग्यो । गवना तर्राईमा नभई नहुने चलन हो । यसले गर्दा सानो उमेरमा विवाह गरिदिएको बताए । अन्य आमाहरूले बढी पढाएमा छोरीले प्रेम विवाह गर्छन्, भागेर अरू जातिस“ग जान्छन् । जसमा खानदानको इज्जत जान्छ । त्योभन्दा राम्रँे सानो उमेरमा विवाह गरिदिए यी सबै समस्याबाट बचिन्छ भन्ने कारण बताए ।
५० जनालाई कक्षा लिएको बेला र्सवेक्ष्ँण गर्दा ५० महिलामा २-३ महिलामात्र मदनपुर, वृत्रि्रष्टोकाजस्ता गाविसमा एसएलसी पास गरेको पाएको उहा“ बताउनुहुन्छ । कानुनको जानकारीको कुरा त कति टाढा छ, यही“बाट अनुमान गर्न सकिन्छ । त्यस जानकारी दिने कक्ष्ँामा अधिवक्ता दीक्ष्ँितले १८ वर्षपुगेका बालविवाह बदर हुन्छ भन्ने कुरा मुलुकी ऐनमा विवाहबारीको महलमा छ भनी जानकारी दि“दा सबै छक्क परेको बताइन् । यहा“सम्म कि यस्तो विषयमा कानुनमा व्यवस्था छ भन्ने कुराको जानकारी नै छैन । त्यहा“का महिलालाई बालविवाह अपराध हो, यस्ता विवाह गराउने अगुवालाई समेत सजाय हुन्छ भनी जानकारी अधिवक्ता दीक्ष्ँितले ती गाविसका महिलालाई दिएपछि अलि चेतना भएको जस्तो अनुभव उनले बताइन् । दीक्ष्ँित अगाडि भन्छिन्- म आफैं पनि तर्राईकै बारा जिल्लाको पिपरा वसन्तपुरको हु“ र मैले ०३९ सालमा ग्रेजुयट गरेको हु“ । तर हालसम्म मेरो गाविसबाट म एक्ली महिला हु“, जो ग्रेजुयट गरेकी छु । महिलाको कम उमेरमा विवाह हुनु पछाडि थुप्रै सामाजिक, आर्थिक, धार्मिक तथा जातिगत मूल्य र मान्यता रहेका छन् । जसले सधैं महिलालाई कम उमेरमा विवाह गर्न उत्प्रेरकको भूमिका खेलिरहन्छ । यसरी महिलाको कम उमेरमा विवाह भएकोले विधवाको संख्या नेपालमा विधुरभन्दा बढी छ । सम्बन्धविच्छेदको समस्या पनि छ“दैछ ।
कतिपय महिलाहरूका स्कुल जाने अवसर पर्याप्त मात्रामा पाउ“दैनन् । पढाइ-लेखाइ नहुने हु“दा उनीहरू त्यतिकै बसेर दिन बिताउनुजस्तो अवस्थालाई मनपराउ“दैनन् । फलस्वरूप सानै उमेरमा विवाह गर्न उद्यत भई त्यहीअनुसार कार्य गर्छन् । पेसागत संरचनाले समेत विवाहसम्बन्धी सोच तथा आवश्यकतालाई प्रभाव पार्छ । धर्ममा विश्वास गर्ने अभिभावकहरू आफ्नो छोरीको विवाहका लागि आतुर हुनजाने परिपाटीले गर्दा कम उमेरमा विवाह गर्ने प्रचलन कायमै छ । तर यी सबै समस्याको सिकार त महिलै हुन्छन् । अभिभावकले आफ्नी छोरीलाई गाईवस्तु ठान्छन् । जुन खुट्टा -गाई बा“ध्ने ठाउ“) मा बा“धिदियो, त्यहीं जिन्दगी बिताउनर्ुपर्ने । यही सब परम्परागत सोच र मान्यता हाम्रो समाजमा कायमै भएकोले सरकारले कानुन निर्माण गरी रोक्ने प्रयत्न गरेको भए पनि त्यसलाई नमानी विवाह गर्ने परिपाटी विद्यमान छ ।
यसले गर्दा यहा“का प्रँयः महिला वैवाहिक हिंसा तथा समस्याको सिकार बन्न पुग्छन् । महिलाका यस्ता समस्यालाई जरैबाट उखेल्नर्ुपर्ने अति आवश्यक छ । अनिमात्र महिलाको पर्ूण्ा विकास हुन्छ । जसका लागि राज्य, सरकार तथा सबै राजनीतिक दलका अगुवाले यी समस्यालाई समाधान गर्न स्थानीय स्तरबाटै लाग्नर्ुपर्ने देखिन्छ । अझ भन्नुपर्दा प्रत्येक राजनीतिक दलले आफ्नो एजेन्डामै वैवाहिक हिंसा कम गर्ने, प्रजनन स्वास्थ्य समस्यालाई सुधार गर्ने, पुरुषलाई मातृ स्वास्थ्य तथा प्रजनन स्वास्थ्यमा अनिवार्य सामेल गराउने, दलले आफ्नो एजेन्डामै वैवाहिक हिंसा कम गर्ने, प्रजनन स्वास्थ्य समस्यालाई सुधार्ने, पुरुषलाई पनि मातृ स्वास्थ्य तथा प्रजनन स्वास्थ्यमा अनिवार्य सामेल गराउने, मातृमृत्युलाई घटाउने जस्ता जल्दोबल्दो महिलास“ग सम्बन्धित समस्यालाई समावेश गराउनर्ुपर्ने देखिन्छ । तबमात्र हुन्छ नेपालको वास्तविक विकास, किनभने जनसंख्याको आधारमा हर्ेने हो भने यहा“ पुरुषभन्दा महिलाको संख्या बढी छ । तर यहा“ बढी भएको जनसंख्याको पक्ष्ँलाई नै उचित ढङ्गबाट व्यवस्थापन गरिएको छैन । जुन व्यवस्थापन गर्नर्ैपर्ने आजको आवश्यकता हो ।
http://www.kantipuronline.com/kolnews.php?&nid=125222
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gahugoro
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Posted on 10-11-07 9:17
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समाचार
राज्यको ध्यान खिच्ने घरझगडा
काठमाडौं मालीगाउँको एउटा घरझागडा प्रधानमन्त्रीदेखि प्रमुख जिल्ला अधिकारीसम्मको ध्यान खिच्न सफल छ।
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बेञ्जु, जश्मिन र जुहार |
१० चैत, २०६३ को मध्यरातमा काठमाडौँ मालीगाउँको एउटा घरबाट बुहारी जश्मिन शर्मा घर छोडेर हिँडेको ६ महिना भयो। ७ असार २०५९ मा जुहारराज पाण्डेसँग मागी विवाह गरेकी जश्मिनले पाँच वर्षपछि प्रहरीको सहयोग लिएर घर छाडेकी हुन्। घर छाडेपछि जश्मिनले पत्रकार सम्मेलन गरेर वैवाहिक जीवनको पाँच वर्षसम्म भोग्नु परेका पीडा र आधारातमा प्रहरी बोलाएर घर छाड्नु परेको कारण बताएपछि काठमाडौँको सम्भ्रान्त परिवारको यो झगडा बाहिर आएको हो। यसले 'लोग्नेस्वास्नीको झगडा' कुनै बेला भनिए जस्तो 'परालको आगो' होइन 'भुसको आगो' पनि हुनसक्छ भन्ने देखाएको छ।
अहिले यो विवाद कहाँ पुगेको छैन? राष्ट्रिय मानवअधिकार आयोग, राष्ट्रिय महिला आयोग, महिला सुरक्षा दबाब समूह, गृह मन्त्रालय, जिल्ला अदालत, जिल्ला प्रशासन कार्यालयलगायत विभिन्न सांसद तथा प्रधानमन्त्रीसमक्ष पुगेको छ यो घरझगडा। बिहेको पाँच वर्षपछि मात्र किन यो घरझगडा सार्वजनिक भयो? आफ्नी बुहारीलाई बेञ्जु शर्माले यस्तो व्यवहार गरिन् होला त? जश्मिन किन सम्बन्धबिच्छेद भने गर्न चाहन्नन्? यस्ता प्रश्नका वरिपरि गाँजिएर जेलिएको छ यो विवाद।
अहिले दुवै पक्ष न्यायिक लडाइँसँगै सञ्चार माध्यम प्रयोग गर्ने तहमा पुगेका छन्। घर छाडेलगत्तै जश्मिनले सरकारी, न्यायिक निकायमा उजुरी गरिन्। त्यससँगै बुहारी प्रेसमा गएपछि पति र सासू पनि त्यसको खण्डन गर्दै प्रेसमा पुगे। बुहारी जश्मिनकै भनाइमा, “अति भएपछि म न्यायका लागि आधारातमा घर छाडेर सम्बद्ध निकायहरूमा जाँदा नेपाल टेलिभिजनकी पूर्व अध्यक्ष, साहित्यकार तथा करिब तीनदशकदेखि प्राध्यापनमा संलग्न सासू डा. बेञ्जु शर्माको सामाजिक प्रभावले अन्याय हुने संभावना देखिएपछि प्रेसमा समेत गएकी हुँ।”
विवाहअघि नै स्नातक जश्मिनका अनुसार 'विवाह पछि पढ्न र जागिर खान पाउनुपर्ने' उनको माग थियो। तर बिहेपछि पढ्ने र जागिर खाने वातावरण घरमा नभएपछि व्यापक मानसिक यातना सहनु पर्यो। उनी भन्छिन्, “बिहेको दुई वर्षपछि त सासू बेञ्जु, अविवाहित आमाजू जुनु र पति जुहारबाट मानसिक यातना मात्र नभएर घरेलु हिंसा नै शुरु भयो, जसका कारण आफू मात्रै नभई अहिले चार वर्ष भएको छोराले समेत पीडा भोग्नु पर्यो।” कुनै चलचित्रको सम्झना दिलाउने घटना सुनाउँदै जश्मिन भन्छिन्, “मेरो गल्ती नै पाँच वर्षसम्म घरको इज्जत हो भनेर चुप लागेर बस्नु हो। राति मैले कुटाइ खाएर रोएको सुन्ने छिमेकीहरूले भोलिपल्ट सोध्दा म छोरो रोएको भन्थेँ। घरको कुरा आज नभए भोलि ठीक होला भनेर मैले सहेँ। १० चैत २०६३ मा अति नै भएपछि मैले घर छोड्नु परेको हो।”
सासू बेञ्जुको भनाइ चाहिँ जश्मिनको भन्दा बिल्कुलै भिन्न छ। ७ असोजमा मालीगाउँको घरमै भेटिएकी सासू बेञ्जुले भनिन्, “जश्मिन र उनको माइती पक्षले शुरुदेखि नै मेरो सम्पत्ति एकलौटी पार्न खोजेका थिए, त्यसमा सफल नभएपछि मेरो पद र प्रतिष्ठालाई चुनौती दिन नियोजित रूपमा १० चैतको घटना घटाएका हुन्।” आफ्नो स्पष्टीकरण दिँदै बेञ्जु भन्छिन्, “परिवारका तीनै जना मिलेर कुट्यौ भन्ने कुरा कपोलकल्पित हो। आँसु झारेर मिडियालाई भ्रममा पार्ने काम भएको छ। पदमा बसेको बेला यस्तो चरित्रहत्या गरिएका कारण म चाहिँ तनाव र हिंसामा परेकी छु।”
अहिले यो मुद्दा आफ्नो पक्षमा पार्न बुहारी जश्मिनसँगै सासू बेञ्जुले पनि 'महिला विरुद्ध हिंसा' मुद्दालाई आफ्नो हतियार बनाएकी छन्। यस क्रममा दुवैले विभिन्न संघसंस्थासँग सहयोग र समर्थनका लागि गुहार मागेका छन्। बेञ्जु शर्माको समर्थनमा नेपाल प्राध्यापक संघ, महिला सुरक्षा दबाब समूह तथा विभिन्न साहित्यिक एवम् सांस्कृतिक संघसंस्थाहरू उभिएका छन्। बेञ्जुको समर्थनमा यी संस्थाहरू यति अगाडि बढेका छन् कि यिनले सञ्चारमाध्यमहरूलाई 'सत्यतथ्य नबुझी एकतर्फी समाचार सम्प्रेषण नगर्न' अपील नै जारी गरेका छन्। महिला हकहितमा काम गर्ने भनिएको महिला सुरक्षा दबाब समूह जस्तो संस्था समेतले एकतर्फी रूपमा सासूको पक्षमा उभिएर आफूलाई दोषी भनेकोमा आपत्ति जनाउँदै जश्मिन भन्छिन्, “पदको प्रभाव नै यही हो, जसलाई तोड्नका लागि मैले सञ्चारमाध्यममा जानु परेको हो।”
हाल दुई पक्षबीच मानाचामल, सम्बन्धबिच्छेद र मानहानिको मुद्दा चलिरहेको छ। जश्मिन भने सम्बन्धबिच्छेदको पक्षमा छैनन्। उनी भन्छिन्, “मैले माइतीबाट धेरै दाइजो ल्याउन नसक्ने भएपछि उनीहरूले मलाई यत्रो वर्ष सताएकै सम्बन्धबिच्छेद गरोस् अनि अर्को बिहे गरुँला भनेर हो। त्यसमाथि वास्तविक भन्दा निक्कै थोरै सम्पत्ति देखाइएको छ। त्यसबाट मेरो छोराको भविष्य कुनै पनि हालतमा सुरक्षित हुँदैन।”
काठमाडौँ मालीगाउँका यी सासूबुहारीको झगडा अब घर, दुईपरिवार र मालीगाउँमा मात्रै सीमित रहेन। हिजोसम्म भातभान्साको कुरा भनेर नकार्दा पनि हुने यस्ता विषयमा आज राज्यको हस्तक्षेप अपरिहार्य बनेको छ। जश्मिन भन्छिन्, “मैले अझै पनि विभिन्न खाले धम्की सुनिरहेकी छु। मलाई अहिले डर नमानिकन आफ्नो काममा लाग्न सक्ने वातावरण चाहिएको छ। घरेलु हिंसा विरुद्ध कानून भएको भए म जस्तालाई न्याय पाउन सजिलो हुनेथियो।”
http://www.nepalihimal.com/2064/ashoj-16-30/samachar.htm
Last edited: 11-Oct-07 09:27 AM
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gahugoro
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Posted on 10-11-07 9:29
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Last edited: 11-Oct-07 10:11 AM
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gahugoro
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Posted on 10-11-07 9:30
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gahugoro
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Posted on 10-11-07 9:30
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- Nagendra Sharma
Those that have regarded as curious the mythical story of the five Paandava brothers having been married to a single Draupadi, may find this kind of story re-lived in parts of mountainous Nepal to this day. For, over a large area of the Nepal Himalayas, fraternal polyandry is as much a reality today as are the Himalaya mountains themselves. In this type of polyandry, the wife comes to live with a group of brothers in their house, as distinguished from the matriarchal polyandry, where she may remain in her own house and the husbands come to visit her by turns. Property under the fraternal polyandry, in its turn, passes from father to son, and not, as in the case of the other type, down the uterine line.
Among the Dolpos (people living in the Dolpa district), for example, brothers are usually said to marry a common wife, no matter what the number of brothers there be. In some rare cases, even two friends have been seen living with a common wife. The Manangbas, another tribe that has got its name from the Manang Bhot (now District) in the mountains of north-west Nepal, are also said to practice a similar polyandry.
The Sherpas, famous the world over as sturdy mountain-climbers, are said to present a slight variation in theme, in the sense that, amongst them, just two brothers, and not more, may marry a common wife; if there are four of them, the third and the fouth take another joint wife.
Interestingly, two such brothers may even go out together in the same wedding procession to the bride's house and take part jointly in the rituals, thereby establishing equal rights over the wife and their own parental property.
The Rai people, mostly inhabiting the eastern Nepal hills, are said to practice what in technical jargon is known as junior levirate and junios sorrorate; it means that a Rai youngman may marry his elder brother's widow, his own deceased wife's younger sister or his wife's brother's daughter. A Satar or a Dhimal youngman of eastern Nepal terai, in his turn, in not averse to marrying his elder brother's widow either.
Turning again to the Sherpas, younger brothers are even said to consider it a matter of their birthright to 'inherit' the elder brother's wife; a young damsel, in her turn, may lay claim to the hand of her deceased elder sister's husband ! And, in the latter case, should the widower have some other girl in mind as his second wife, custom demands that he take a formal permission from his younger sister-in-law.
The Barhagaunley people living in the Thak and Mustang areas adjacent to Manang are also said to practice fraternal polyandry, but, in their case, only the eldest brother needs to go through the formalities of marriage proper, the younger ones joining in later as and when they come of age.
Absolute freedom in the choice of mates is also taken for granted amongst many other Nepali tribes such as the Gurungs and Tamangs. In order to create a suitable environment for the purpose, the Gurungs of mid-western Nepal hills have devised a unique institution in some of their villages - the Rodi Ghar, which, in other words, means a village youngster' club.
Young girls of marriageable age, attending such 'clubs' in the evenings, may even make a night-long affair of their repartees, in song and dance, with the visiting youngmen, generally under the surveillance of elderly club-keepers known as Chivaas, Rodi Ammaas ('Mothers') and the like. The girls, it is said, are expected to provide liquors and other food-delicacies, while the boys help defray the expenses.
People in a Tamang village may also go to the extent of organising an annual festival known as Dyokyaapsi, in autumn; such festivals, when organised, are marked with get-togethers between the village young men and women of marriagevble age. They are said to spend five nights at a stretch together. Any affair the participants may have had on such occasions hardly, if ever, prejudices the prospects of their future marital ties with someone else!
"Unhampered by the trammels of caste", writes one authority, "the Gurkha women of the hill districts enjoy a far greater measure of freedom than is allowed to their sisters in the Indian plains; they are able to take an interest in life and what's going-on around them in a manner more approximating to that of the women of Europe". Is he very far from the truth, dear readers? You be the judge!
[ Courtesy: "This Is Nepal", published by Sajha Prakashan, Kathmandu, 1977.]
http://nepalicreation.blogspot.com/2007/08/how-many-husbands.html
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gahugoro
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Posted on 10-11-07 9:39
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Imported Husband
Sharad Chirag Society was not open when a well known painter of this time, Ragini
Upadhyaya married sixteen years ago. A pure Brahmin girl Ragini, who
studied Britain and Germany , gave a wedding reception at Bluestar
hotel but some of her conservative relatives boycutted her marriage.
And the reason was, the bride Albert Grella she chose was not Nepali,
he is from Belgium .
Saranga Shrestha, who had made a good dancer image in Nepali film
industry, married a American guy Reginald E. Harrison, some couples of
years ago there in USA .
Famous Nepali model and the first runner up of miss nepal 2005, Sarah
Gurung engaged some months ago with a Japanese origin guy, Sky Tetsuki
who is doing his business in America.These are some examples which
clears that the Nepalese marriage system is spreading its teritory to
the international level.
There are some rules and regulations that the middle and under middle
class people generally apply for their daughters' marriage. That are –
boy should be from a well cultured family, intellectual, well earned
and should have a house in the capital city or another regional
cities. But now a days Nepalese people are spreading all over the
world for study or other purpose and their identity, culture and
behaviour has changed by time and the locality where they live.
Everyman wants to do somthing new. Wedding trends to different caste, religion, culture and nation are this type of seek of newness,- Pramod Khakurel, a sociologist who has returned from France after a long stay there says. Marriage between Nepalese women and foreign man is like the same kind of newness.
Listen to Ragini- I had a big determination that i must take my own decision about my life.I had my art gallery at Bluestar comlex at that time. Albert Grella, an agricultural engineer, who worked for FAO at that time frequently came to my gallery. That meetings created the situation and we felt in love and we decided to marry.' Her father was from old age but not that much conservative to stop her marriage. Becasue of his green signal the marriage was possible but some of her relatives didn't like her marriage. There must be some problem in such marriage. According to Ragini western influence is high in Nepalese society but still some old traditions have not brokened. That's why there are some problem. 'I havenot any problem because of religion because my husband's family doesn't believe in any religion'-Ragini says-'But my mom was worried because she believed that marriage with a foreigner would break soon. And my mother in law was not happy because I am from another country and an artist ( artist earns little money,she thinks).' The story of an actor Saranga Shrestha is different. Seeking for bright future she left to America instead of acting Nepalese movies, Saranaga (34) married ten years older American guy who chased after her because of her dance. Why she chose an American? ' Because he is caring and he understand me and my culture'- Saranga told some months ago when she came here in Nepal with her husband for the first time after her marriage.Her family wanted her marriage with a Nepali guy.But she persuaded them that he is nice and suitable for her and her family agree to marry with him considering that their daughter must took a mature decision. Harrison,the real estate businessman of Maryland , USA , wanted to stay here in Nepal but Saranga denied because she thought that the type of work is different here than America and they both went back to USA .
Model Sarah Gurung met 29 years old Sky Tetsuki who came in Nepal for garment business. In their second meeting they went to Jay Nepal cinema hall to watch Indian movie Fana. Sky met sarah twice before he went back to America . But when he was America he felt he is in love with sarah then they both talked on phone. After one month he returned back to Nepal and proposed her family for marriage. The Christian family of Sarah, happily agreed but they married according to Hindu culture, because both of them love this culture. Sarah, who went to America recently says that her family supported her and there was no any difficulties in her marriage. After the successful sixteen years of her marriage what does Ragini Think? 'There are some difficulties in international marriage'- she says-' because of culture, language and lifestyle.' She studied in Britain and Germany , that's why European culture and lifestyle isnot barrier in her case but other women might not have such facilites. Her husband is living in Nepal ( currently working at a road project in Dhangadi). She has a seprate room in her home to pray Hindu god and goddesses. They make Nepalse food in the morning and foreign food in the evening. If any invitation came from any Nepalese to this couple who have a daughter who is reading in seventh standard, Albert hesitate to attend the party. Why? ' He doesn't take a good company.'- Ragini says.
But there are not the only happiness in the marriage with a foreigner. Dr. Meena Acharya, was from the first generation who started marriage with foreigner (foreigner means except Indians). To study economics she went to Russia in 1960, gave her heart to a Russian named Victor Aleksevich Sijakov, who was reading the same University but in a law department. Victor stayed with the Nepalese students (one is Dr. Madhav Sharma, present vice chancelor of Tribhuwan University ). Thats why Meena frequently met him and felt in love.When they decided to marry in 1962, they had a problem. At that time if a Nepalese girl marries with foreigner she must left the Nepalese citizenship. In this condition she requested her father who is former prime minister Tanka Prasad Acharya, to help them. Then her father requested King Mahendra (at that time) and they married to keep their passport in the Nepalese Ambassy in Mosco. 'Although my father helped to marry me with Victor, but he was not that much happy'- Meena says. That much efforts didn't work for a long. Her marriage broked in 1976. 'I never liked to live outside Nepal '-she says-' I wanted to stay here in Nepal and he wanted to go in Russia . We have conflict in this matter and we decided to divorce.' But her husband came intelligent. He allow their daughter with her and send money till she finished her school education. 'I don't have any relation with him but he is still in touch with our daughter (who is in USA now)'- she says. Many people are skeptic to marry with a foreigner because they think that their marriage may not go long. In the urban area of Nepal has already increasing the divorce rate day by day and in this condition those thinkings are normal. According to a sociologist, Pramod Khakurel, those marriage are in verge to break up because of linguistic,cultural, social and sexual understanding. Those foreign gentalman who marries with a Nepalese girl, doesn't take Nepalese citizenship and theire childrens have to stay for a long time to take Nepalese citizenship. 'That's why they are forced to go abroad'- says an advocate Meera Dhungana. She advocates that the government must give them the citizenship by birth. Because of the open society and the easy connection with the foreigner, those types of marriage won't decrese but increase day by day. Thus in the wording of Meera Dhungana, government must loosen the legal criteria for those marriage.
sharad.chirag@gmail.com http://sharadchirag.blog.com/1981893/
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gahugoro
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Posted on 10-11-07 9:42
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Wedding Customs of Nepal
Wedding customs in Nepal vary according to ethnic groups and castes. Traditionally Nepalese marriages are arranged, a deal between two sets of parent. In some cases the boy and his family will come to visit the girl and her family where they strike a deal. If they cannot agree then the boy's family will seek another girl for him to marry. However, in the modern age, this particular custom seems to be practiced less often. Wedding celebrations in Nepal mean great festivity with feasting and music. Nepalese wedding customs are very elaborate and the wedding may take up to 3 days.
Many marriage customs in Nepal are strongly based upon Buddhist and Hindu traditions. In the past child marriage along with polygamy was widely accepted and preferred. This attitude has changed especially with the instituting of governmental laws which state that girls have to be 18 before marriage is permissible. Divorce rates are low in Nepal as marriage is considered as a sacred and divine institution.
Let us consider the marriage and wedding customs of Nepal's Newar people. Traditionally the marriage arrangement in the Newar community is monogamous (only one partner) and patrilocal (the women lives with the husband's kin). As with other people in Nepal, the marriages are arranged. Interestingly, elopement is commonly practiced. Marriage customs do not permit Newars of the same decent to marry. Marriage mates must be of the same caste and grade. A rule of 'seven generations' descent is followed in certain areas. Newar marriage involves numerous formalities completed in phases. The father of a boy will find a suitable bride and consults an astrologer to find out if they are a good match. Negotiations take place through an appointed mediator between the two families. After the horoscope determines they are suited, the boy's family will present the other family with food, nuts, fruit and sweets.
The day before the wedding a ceremony called duradai takes place. A pathi (milk with molasses and cardamom) is delivered at the girl's house to repay the mother for the years she spent suckling her daughter. The next evening a feast is held at the girl's house where gifts are brought. At the same time a procession takes place at the boy's home. A large crowd joins in the eating and having a good time. The later proceed to the girl's home with a band leading the way, the groom is left behind. They celebrate together and then return home except the groom's father and some relatives. Past midnight they carry the girl in a hammock to a friend of the groom's father. The following morning the beautiful bride arrives at the boy's house. The boy's mother will bathe the girl's feet in holy water, presenting her with a key. Inside the house a priest engages the party in religious ritual. After this the bride must give areca nuts to everyone in the family. At the end of the day the groom and his bride will share a meal from the same plate. A large feast takes place in the evening. The next day the bride is given a formal reception into the kitchen where everyone eats together. On the third day she is taken to the deity the family worships and takes part in various religious rituals with the groom. They then return to the bride's house for observances of respect. The newly married couple return to the grooms home to begin their married life.
http://hregmi.blogspot.com/2007/07/wedding-customs-of-nepal-wedding.html
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gahugoro
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Posted on 10-11-07 9:56
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http://bignepal.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=742
Nepalese Girls Forced into Marriage :: 1723 Reads
Posted by : chetriya on Wednesday, February 15, 2006 - 04:31 PM IDLW
 On my first day at college, I met a girl named Arati, who quickly became my best friend. She shared with me all her feelings, we spent lots of time together, talked non-stop on the phone and met endlessly.
Arati was attracting attention from all the guys at my college. Usually, she was most happy during class, but one day she looked very upset. So, I asked her what happened. Faintly smiling, she told me nothing was wrong. I knew something was wrong because her eyes were wet. Not speaking a single word, she pulled me aside.
Slowly in a soft voice, she said, "I'm getting married." I could not believe her words. She was too young and just finished her teen years.
"My father is very strict and I can never speak a word against him," Arati said.
Nepal is culturally dominated by males, even though females make up slightly more than half of Nepal's population (50.04 percent). Everything in a family is decided by the father of the family. This tradition was started by our ancestors. The future of the children, especially a girl's, is decided by the parents no matter the family's level of education. A girl has no right to speak against their parent's decision.
Arati, being a daughter from an educated family, is facing this problem, which is more common in rural areas where the literacy rate is lower.
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National Literacy Goals |
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Total adult literacy rate (%) age 15+
2005: 63
2007: 67
20012: 81
2015: 90
Literacy rate of age group 5-24
2005: 81
2007: 84
20012: 91
2015: 95
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But Nepal has made progress in increasing literacy over the years. The 2001 census indicated that the literacy rate among Nepalis six years old and older is 54 percent, with a male literacy rate of 65 percent and a female literacy rate of 43 percent. Yet there is a lot to be done to reach a universal literacy target.
Arati cried in vain and shared her sorrows with me. When I asked if she ever seen the guy with whom she would be marrying, she replied, "My father has seen him. Maybe my father knows best."
Her answer astonished me for a moment. She was about to spend her whole life with a person she had never seen and know anything about. Then I asked her, "Who is going to marry him, you or your father." She had no answers to my questions, but only said "What can I do besides obey my father's decision? How can I tell him that I have a man of my own? It is against our tradition and culture."
Despite of her own interest of studying abroad and selecting a man of her own choice, all of her dreams were scattered by one decision from her father. This problem is not unique to Arati, but is common to thousands of women unable to speak up for themselves.
In our Hindu culture, there is a saying, "The responsibility of a father is fulfilled only after the successful marriage of a daughter. They have the concept that marriage of a daughter opens the door that leads to heaven." They are all misguided by the word "heaven" which is beyond our imagination. Family decisionmakers still have this old tradition and in fact, feel proud of it. Asking an elder, he said, "This tradition should be followed to keep the women on track. Parents always want a good future for their children and the right to make decisions for their children."
He may be right to some extent, but this result has directly affected the feelings of women and given more power to the men in society.
A revolutionary change in socio-cultural values is needed. But empowering women in Nepal is far easier said than done. The nature of gender bias gets mediated through the extent of household poverty. A daughter is not entitled to her paternal property because her marital status will change. Women must forfeit their inheritance after they are married.
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Percentage Married by Age Group, 1991 |
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Age Group
10-14 Rural males: 4.18 Rural females: 7.46 Urban males: 2.90 Urban females: 4.60
15-19 Rural males: 20.61 Rural females: 47.00 Urban males: 11.00 Urban females: 31.82
20-24 Rural males: 63.09 Rural females: 86.51 Urban males: 41.49 Urban females: 73.29 |
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The Nepal Marriage Act also defines the legal age of marriage with parental consent as 18 years for boys and 16 years for girls. Without parental consent, these ages are 21 years for boys and 18 years for girls (Shavitri Singh 1995). Almost half the girls in the age group of 15 to 19 years old in urban areas are married.
Education only in the form of books does not bring about a revolution. Other methods of education are necessary to avoid such problems. Tradition and culture are necessary to bind us as a nation, but changes can be made for the sake of humanity.
http://www.kurakani.net/Article899.phtml
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gahugoro
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Posted on 10-11-07 10:04
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Gender norms stress male entitlement to sex, even if
forced within marriage. In Nepal, 11 per cent of
younger men (below age 30) and 8 per cent of men
aged 30-39 years justified wife-beating for refusing
Gender norms stress male entitlement to sex, even if
forced within marriage. In Nepal, 11 per cent of
younger men (below age 30) and 8 per cent of men
aged 30-39 years justified wife-beating for refusing
Gender norms stress male entitlement to sex, even if
forced within marriage. In Nepal, 11 per cent of
younger men (below age 30) and 8 per cent of men
aged 30-39 years justified wife-beating for refusing
Forced Sexual Relations among married young women in developing countries
http://www.popcouncil.org/pdfs/popsyn/PopulationSynthesis1.pdf
In Nepal, 11 percent of younger men (below age 30) and 8 percent of men aged 30-39 years justified wife-beating for refusing sex.
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gahugoro
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Posted on 10-11-07 10:07
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Young saviour
From Issue #320 (27 October 06 - 02 November 06) | TABLE OF CONTENTS
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NARESH NEWAR
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Eight-year-old Resmi Gupta is rebellious and defiant. And to the children of Baskhora village, Kapilbastu, she’s a hero.
Resmi has single-handedly rallied the other children in this remote, dusty village to fight against child marriage. That would be impressive anywhere, but this is the poorest, least literate village in the district with the most child marriages in Nepal.
Here, Resmi is extraordinary. “It is not easy to go door-to-door convincing parents to stop this evil practice,†she told us. But undeterred, every week, Resmi and 36 friends from their child club take their anti-child marriage campaign around the neighbouring villages.
Resmi helped save Laxmi, her 15-year-old sister, from being married off a few months ago. She told their very conservative parents to “stop this marriageâ€, fully expecting to be slapped down. Instead, they actually listened to Resmi as she told them how getting married—and bearing a child—so young could literally kill their daughter.
Nepal has one of the world’s highest maternal mortality rates—nearly 6,000 girls and women die every year due to pregnancy-related complications, in large part because almost two-thirds of Nepali girls marry before they turn 18.
The advocacy is paying off in neighbouring villages too. Urmila Karki, 14, was married when she was six. As per gauna tradition, she has stayed at her parents’ home but is now due to return to her husband’s house. “I’d rather join Resmi to fight for our cause,†she says quietly but firmly. Urmila is seeking help and protection from her friends in the children’s club, as well as organisations like UNICEF and local NGO Rural Iliteracy Society Education that support it.
Although she spends much of her free time teaching others to make better choices, Resmi herself is too poor to afford formal education. She’s now attending a 20-month out-of-school program run by RISE and UNICEF.
“We need education and awareness to convince both parents and children to stand up to child marriages, ancient tradition or not,†says the feisty Resmi. With future leaders like this, we’ve got something to look forward to.
Naresh Newar in Kapilbastu | http://www.nepalitimes.com/issue/320/NepaliSociety/12690
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