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 Just for laughs!

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Posted on 06-12-08 9:49 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Banta's ABCD

Banta Singh - "madam meine abcd yaad karli.. "


madam -"ok , to sunao "

Banta singh - "abcdefghijklemnopqrstuvwxyz..... "

madam - "arey aise nahi ....aise suna....A for apple "

Banta singh -" ok madam....A for apple. "

B for bada apple.

C for chhota apple.

D for dusra apple.

E for ek aur apple.

F for fokat ka apple.

G for gol apple.

H for hazar apple

I for itney saarey apple?

J for jaao nahi khaani hai apple

K for kaise nahi khaayengey apple

L for lena padhega tumko apple

M for mujhe nahi chahiye itne apple

N for naa nahi kehtey kyunkey yeh hai apple

O for Oh to tumne khaa daale yeh saare apple

P for peth bhar khaao apple

Q for qismat mein nahi hoti hai sabke, yeh apple

R for roz agar khaao tum apple

S for sehetmand rahoge khaaogey agar tum apple

T for tumko nahi milengey itney achey apple

U for udhaar kii nahi hai yeh apple

V for very tasy hai yeh apple

W for waste na karo time aur khaalo jaldi se apple

X for X'mas mei bhii Hi! khana padenge apple

Y for youn na chehra phero dekhkey apple

Z for zaraasa aur khaalo apple aur.......
 
Real situations faced and told by a travel agent . it's all real no made up stories.
*I had someone ask for an aisle seat so their hair wouldn't get messed up from being near the window.

*A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

*I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response ... click.

*A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in O r l a n d o. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

*I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said, "But they look so close on the map."

*Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

*A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

*A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?" I said "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

*I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."

*A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

*A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double-checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and
every time they have accepted my American Express."

*A woman called to make reservations; "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York." The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"

Learn Chinese
 
English---- chinese
That's not right --Sum Ting Wong
Are you harboring a fugitive? --Hu Ya Hai Ding?
See me A.S.A.P. --Kum Hai Nao
Stupid Man --Dum Gai
Small Horse --Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach? --Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table. --Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a face-lift. --Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here. --Wai So Dim?
I thought you were on a diet. --Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone. --No Pah King
Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena? --Wai Yu Sing Dum?
You are not very bright. --Yu So Dum
I got this for free. --Ai No Pei
Please stay a while longer. --Wai Go Nao?
Our meeting was scheduled for next week. --Wai Yu Kum Nao?
They have arrived. --Hia Dei Kum
Stay out of sight. --Lei Lo
He's cleaning his automobile. --Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive. --Yu Stin Ki Pu
.........
 
Last edited: 12-Jun-08 09:51 AM
Last edited: 12-Jun-08 09:54 AM

 
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Posted on 04-22-09 11:35 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Posted on 04-22-09 2:03 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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LITTLE GIRL ON A
PLANE



A stranger was seated next to a little
girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,
'Let's talk.
I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your
fellow passenger.' 

The little
girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger,
'What would you like to talk about?'  'Oh, I don't
know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.

OK, ' she said.
'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A
horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a deer excretes
little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps
of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?' 

The
stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it
and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.' 

To which
the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power
when you don't know shit?


 


 
Posted on 04-22-09 2:26 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Error occured here because of server configuration. Any inconvenience is regretted - admin
 
Posted on 04-22-09 3:56 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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good one lolbro
 
Posted on 04-22-09 4:23 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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A young boy went up to his father and asked him,
'Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially'
and 'realistically'?'

The father thought for a moment, then answered,
'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars.

Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars, and then ask your brother
if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'

So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would
you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could
really use that money to fix up the house and send
you kids to a great University!'

The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would
you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt I
would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'

The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would
you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a
million bucks would buy?'

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and
then went back to his dad.

His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference
between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?' The boy replied,
'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars .

But 'realistically', we're living with two hookers and a queer.'
 
 


 
Posted on 05-11-09 1:53 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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I love this 3 million dollor joke.

Guys get some more of the intellectual jokes.
 
Posted on 05-15-09 12:49 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Politics Explained!!!!


 


A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:


#1. I'm the head of the family, so call me The President.
#2. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
#3. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People.
#4. The nanny, well we'll consider her the Working Class.
#5. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Okay.?
"Now, go on and think about that and see if it makes sense."

So, the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So, the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks in the peephole and finds his father in bed, with the Nanny. So, he gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his Father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies: "Well, the President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep, and the People are being ignored while the Future is in deep shit"


 
Posted on 05-15-09 12:53 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Chinese names!


 


Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?
Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sum Wan .And I need to talk to Annie Wan!
It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to
anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our
brother, Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan
got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.


Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was
sent to the hospital from the accident that isn't an urgent
matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee.

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your
name!!


 
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A man walked into a bank, got in line and when it was his turn he pulled out a gun and robs the bank.

But just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me Rob this Bank?"

The customer replies, "Well, yes!"

The bank robber raises his gun, points it at his head and shoots him.

He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man, "DID ... YOU ... SEE ... ME ... ROB... THIS... BANK?"

The man calmly responds, "No, but my wife did."

 
Posted on 07-21-09 12:54 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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lol ritthe..


Here's one more.....................................................


what does tenjewberrymuds" mean ??


To get the full effect, this should be read aloud.
You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation. This has been nominated for the best email of 2005.

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:


Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??"

G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."

RS: "Ow July den?"

G: "What??"

RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"

G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."

RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS : "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

G: "What?"

RS:"An toes. July Sahn toes?"

G: "I don't think so."

RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS: "We bodder?"

G: "No...just put the bodder on the side."

RS: "Wad?"

G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

RS: "Copy?"

G: "Excuse me?"

RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"

G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."

RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy....rye??"

G: "Whatever you say."

RS: "Tenjewberrymuds."

G : "You're very welcome."


 
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From A Mother With Love
Dear Child,

I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home.

Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though.

Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home.

They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.

Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom.

Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.


 
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Redneck Driving Applications
Redneck Driver's Application

Plez compleet this paper, best ya can.


Last name: ________________

First name:
[_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue
[_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo
[_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann
[_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen
[_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue

Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: [_]M [_]F [_]None
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation:
[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress
[_] Un-employed [_] Dirty Politician

Spouse's Name: __________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________
3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________
Lover's Name: __________________________
2nd Lover's Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse:
[_] Sister [_] Aunt
[_] Brother [_] Uncle
[_] Mother [_] Son
[_] Father [_] Daughter
[_] Cousin [_] Pet

Number of children living in household: ___
Number of children living in shed: ___
Number of children that are yours: ___

Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
If you obtained a higher education what was your
major?
[_] 5th grade [_] 6th grade

Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?

Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Age you started drivin ______ (If over 10 are you
are still slow lerrnin ? [_] Yes [_] No)

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck ____ kitchen
____ bedroom ____ bathroom/outhouse
____ shed ____ pawnshop

Model and year of your pickup: _________ 194_

Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] The National Enquirer [_] The Globe
[_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest
[_] Rifle and Shotgun [_] Bassmasters

___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:
[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly
[_] Not Applicable

How many teeth in YOUR mouth? ___
Color of teeth:
[_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow
[_] Brown [_] Black
[_] N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
[_] Red-Man [_] Skoal

How far is your home from a paved road?
[_] 1 mile
[_] 2 miles
[_] don't know


 
Posted on 07-22-09 6:28 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Men Should Listen
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!!"

The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "BITCH!!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.


 
Posted on 07-28-09 11:03 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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lol ,last one is really funny. Yep, men should listen .........keep posting, cRunch.
 
Posted on 07-28-09 12:09 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Last edited: 28-Jul-09 12:37 PM

 
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