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By Sanjit Pradhananga
INGREDIENTS:
- 1 country (Nepal) roughly the size of Iowa
- 30 million people from 36 different ethnicities
- 1 king (preferably one alleged to have murdered 13 royals to get to the throne)
- 1 party of corrupt Social Democrats
- 1 party of confused Communists now fighting for the bourgeoisie
- 1 party of Maoists responsible for a civil war that killed 15,000 people
- 1 army of 70,000 soldiers indoctrinated blindly by tradition
- 2 neighboring countries notorious for their expansionist ambitions
- Imported Western democracy (according to taste)
PREPARATION:
- Take the country and carefully remove all the natural resources, then lock it safely between two expansionist neighbors.
- Add the 30 million people from 36 different ethnicities and tie them loosely with an invisible string (preferably nationalism or religion).
- Then take the king and the army and oppress the contents tightly to stop it from boiling over.
- Pour the contents into a skillet and boil for about 240 years, then add two pinches of imported Western democracy and stir the skillet gently with each pinch.
- After the mixture reaches the desired level of frustration, take another skillet and pour the rest of the imported Western democracy. Then add the corrupt Social Democrats and the confused communists, carefully stacking one party above the other.
- Flip the parties around occasionally to ensure both sides turn brown with spite and distrust.
- Carefully add the Maoist to the mix (warning: Maoism and Democracy are very volatile to each other and might cause unwarranted explosions and murders. Keep a United Nations fire extinguisher nearby.
- Pour the contents into the first skillet; if the procedures are met, the king should evaporate instantly and the 36 different ethnicities should form independent identities.
- Let the content simmers for another three years.
- Serve the dish in the New York Times, preferably on the 14th page; one tiny column should suffice.
REVIEWS:
To explain Nepal’s intricate political crisis in anything less than a tome with the gravity and sincerity it deserves is impossible. Over the past few days, thousands of strong Nepalese Diaspora here in US and abroad have been thumbing indifferently through news sources to gain a deeper insight to the pandemonium unfolding in our nation.
Indifferently, you say? Yes!
Most Nepalese home and abroad have become so frustrated with the constant political squabbles and turmoil that should Nepalese politics be brought up, even with the utmost sincerity, they simply shrug their shoulders and say “yestai ho,” roughly translating into “whatever, it’s always the same.”
Within the past decade, the country has seen a civil war, a massacre of the entire royal family, a violent end to a 240-year-old monarchial institution, one blatantly rigged election, two coups d’etats, and an endless series of crises digging deeper and deeper.
To the neutral political buff, Nepal offers a host of juicy news and wired up political drama. To someone more attached, as this humble scribe, it offers an all-you-can-eat-buffet of chaos and despair.
If you are interested in mind-numbing political soap opera or just curious about what exactly Nepalese are good at cooking, then please visit any news source to read a more detailed description of the dramatic political unfoldings in Nepal, and remember to keep us, our families and our fragile country in your prayers; we will need them.
On the other hand, if this recipe doesn’t tantalize your taste buds, then flip the page and enjoy the day and the rest of your life.
Sanjit Pradhananga is a Nepali. He has tolerated the political bullshit for 21 long years. He is mad and will not take it anymore.
