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 Once again, its time to laugh
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Posted on 01-31-10 11:21 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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A panjabi guy walks into the library. He walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, - "This is the WORST book I've ever read!" "It has NO plot and far too many characters!" The librarian looks up and calmly remarks - "So, you're the one who took our phone book...."

_________________________****_________________________

A blonde and a brunette were watching the 11:00 pm news. The current news story was about a man up on ledge and threatening to jump, when the station cuts to a commercial.
Brunette: I bet you $20, he's going to jump.
Blonde: OK
(Back to newscast: He jumped !)
Blonde: OK. I lost. Here's my $20 to you.
Brunette: No, that was too easy. I can't take it.
Blonde: I insist. I lost.
Brunette: I have a confession to make. I saw the same thing on the 6:00pm news and I knew he jumped. So it wasn't really a good bet.
Blonde: I know. I saw the same newscast at 6 too. But I didn't think he would be stupid enough to jump TWICE!.

 
Posted on 02-06-10 7:47 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight."
The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another one."
The bartender pours the drink, but says, "Now, before I give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me why you're so upset?"
So, the man begins his tale. "Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, 'Wow, this has never happened before.' You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over and asks if I'd like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a while. I couldn't believe this was happening, I hadn't had a good meal in quite a while. I managed to nod my head yes, so she grabs my hand and starts walking out of the bar. This seemed just too good to be true".
He continued, "She took me down the street here to a nice hotel and up to her room.  She said to relax, watch some TV, and that she would be ready in a few minutes. But, as soon as I put my feet up and reclined my chair, I heard some keys jingling and someone starts fumbling with the door". The blonde says, 'Oh my god, it's my boyfriend. He must have lost his wrestling match tonight, he's gonna be real mad. Quick, hide!'
"So, I opened the closet, but I figured that was probably the first place he would look, so I didn't hide there. Then I looked under the bed, but no, I figured he's bound to look there, too. By now, I could hear the key in the lock. I noticed the window was open, so I climbed out and was hanging there by my fingers, praying that the guy wouldn't see me."
The bartender says "Well I can see how you might be a bit frustrated at this point."
"Well, yeah, but I hear the guy finally get the door open and he yells out, 'Who you been with now, you witch?' The girls says, 'Nobody, honey, now calm down."
Well, the guy starts tearing up the room. I hear him tear the door off the closest and throw it across the room. I'm thinking, 'Boy, I'm glad I didn't hide in there.' Then I hear him lift up the bed and throw it across the room. Good thing I didn't hide under there either. Then I heard him say, 'What's that over there by the window?' I think, 'Oh God, I'm dead meat now.'
But, the blonde by now is trying real hard to distract him and convince him to stop looking. Well, I hear water running for a long time; I figure maybe he's gonna take a bath or something, when all of a sudden, the jerk pours a pitcher of scalding hot water out of the window right on top of my head. I mean, look at this, I got second degree burns all over my scalp and shoulders!"
The bartender says, "Oh man, that would have gotten me mad for sure."
"No, that didn't really bother me. Next, the guy starts slamming the window shut over and over on my hands. I mean, look at my fingers. They're a bloody mess. I can hardly hold onto this glass."
The bartender looks at the guy's hands and says, "Yeah, buddy, I can understand why you are so upset."
"No, that wasn't what really got me so angry though."
The bartender then asks in exasperation, "Well, then, what did finally make you anger?"
"Well, I was hanging on the window, and I turned around and looked down-- I was only about six inches off the ground."

 
Posted on 02-06-10 9:38 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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A TRUE GHOST STORY FROM THE WEST:


It was a dark stormy night with thundering clouds and heavy rain. It was so dark, one could not see his own hand.

A man was walking on a highway in this dark stormy night.  He was desperately looking for a ride.  Frequently he looked back hoping to get a ride.

Suddenly he saw a black car slowly approaching him.  "Thanks God!” he mumbled, and opened the back door and hopped in the back seat of the car!

He wiped his face and looked in front to thank the driver!  He was shocked - there was no one in the front seat, not even the driver!

He looked outside the window - he noticed the car was still moving slowly in the dark!  The car was moving without the driver.

He got frightened and was speechless.  Suddenly he saw the highway turning right. He was frightened that the car will go off the highway.  Suddenly he saw a huge black hand appeared and turned the steering wheel towards the highway.  The hand vanished in the darkness! The man was dumbstruck due to fear!

Then he saw a gas station little further down the road.  He gathered all his energy, opened the door, jumped off the car and ran towards the gas station.  He narrated his scary incident to everyone in the store!  Everyone was shocked to hear the scary story.

While everyone was discussing the incident, two black guys entered the store.  They saw the scared man and one of them said to the other:

"Hey Birnie.  Look at this idiot here! We ran out of gas and this SOB sat in our car when we were pushing it in rain"



 


 

Last edited: 07-Feb-10 10:16 AM

 
Posted on 02-06-10 4:11 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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haha...this is really funny. This joke made my day.
 
Posted on 02-07-10 10:29 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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A restaurant put an ad  on a paper- We will make anything you order.  If we cannot make it, we will pay you $50.00.


A man wanted quick $50, he went to the store, called a waiter, thought for a long time to make sure whatever he ordered cannot be filled, and finally said in a loud voice, "Make me elephant's ear's sandwich."


"Oh No," said the waiter, "That we cannot make it.  Ok you win, we will pay you $50.


The man was pleased with himself. "So..", he said with a winning smile, " You do not have elephant's ear. Huh??!"


"Actually we do have elephant's ear, Sir", waiter said apologetically," but we just ran out of "big bread" to make its sandwich." 



 

Last edited: 07-Feb-10 10:30 AM

 


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