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 Puppy Love Gone Bad
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Posted on 10-02-10 10:11 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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This is what happened when as a teenager I broke up with my first girlfriend. 


If someone comes at you, wide eyed, with terrible words coming out of their mouth and their intention is obviously to hurt you at any cost, how do you respond? When someone shakes and shivers while poking a finger at you trying to push your buttons, what should you do? When someone is annoyed that they cannot push your buttons...what should you feel? How should you act? What should you do and where should you go? When the sole intention of a person is to hurt you at any cost, what do you do? Where do you run and where do you hide? Or should you....no...no...I don't want to go there.

And when this person realizes that they cannot hurt you they then change tactics. They resort to making you feel guilty...and even when that doesn't work. Should you feel bad for them? And when you watch them stomp and storm and billow and yell is it wrong to feel amused? Is it bad to feel too much awe watching them? Especially if you thought this person was so benign, and you see them blow up like a volcano...and blow and burrow like a hurricane that just erupted off the coast of Cuba...is it terribly bad to smile inside, while you try to look scared outside? 

What should you do and how should you act? Would it be terrible at this point to scratch your head feeling something in between amazement and curiosity? Would it be offensive to not be affected by the antics they were tossing your way? Would it be too cutsie to blink repeatedly and smile inside while feigning guilt, fear, regret and remorse outwardly...just so this person doesn't feel disrespected? What I want to know is would it really really be terribly bad if you didn't feel all the things this person wants you to feel?
Should I feel bad about myself that I don't feel as guilty and hurt as this person wanted me to be? Would that make me a terrible human being? Should I wonder? Should I go ahead and be in shambles? Should I feel bad that I had a relationship with someone that did not respect me enough for them to be genuine?

Somehow, I feel that I could give in charity my hurt and pain just so that this person could feel that their energy wasn't wasted in vain. Somehow I feel that is the least I could do. I could make them feel loved and cared for in a world that obviously has forgotten them. I could dance and sing at their call. I could serve as the canvas and my facial gestures the paint that I let them twist and turn with the paint brush of their intentions. 
I could play the puppet in their hands, reacting to the strings they think they are pulling at my heart and soul. I could yelp at the sores that they think they are stabbing. I can pretend to be yanked and torn and pushed and kicked. I could, out of love and care for them, act like I'm getting dragged and ripped. I could serve as their punching bag and much much more. I could, at least for some time, be the vessel that accepts all the pent-up frustration and lovelessness of the world that they feel. I could let them pummel their fists on my chest. And I could even act like they were ripping the softer entrails within me. I could, out of care and consideration for them, do all that for them. I really really could.

Like I said, I could do all the above, but the question for me that kept coming up over and over and over again is...is this person worth the trouble? And the answer I received from deep below me was a resolute.......no.

So I did what any sane person in my place should do...I walked off and never looked back. Until now.

Last edited: 13-Oct-10 09:49 AM

 


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