well i had posted this article in my other thread but I thought it's better to create a new one... so I created  a new one ......... I'll keep on writing........ in this thread .......

LOVBA story that's INCOMPLETE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t know how a person can feel for the other person. Today it has happened to me. I can’t believe that I don’t know this and it all happened coz once upon a time I was in love with a girl. I was in love with her so deep that when she left me all alone in this world. The world was so very empty for me. Then after I knew that I won’t be able to feel anyone’s love for me.  I don’t know how it happened but it happened and it’s a shock for me. Well not long ago had this story ended that is why I still can’t stop thinking to myself how this happened.

It’s quite unconvincing to me that I loved her so much and the passionate love just broke apart without me myself being known that she went away from my life. I am not going to have her see me anymore in my life. It might have been all coz I was the one who was wrong and she was the one who was right. But still I think I am right and she was wrong but……. still can’t believe it… My eyes sometime are wet when it sees her from nowhere coming to see me. I can hear the voice that keeps on buzzing in my ears that says to me “I LOVE YOU”. Even though she has gone so far away that I won’t be able to see her any further in my life. Since she left I am able to be creative … ha ha !!!! and I learned to write something out of nothing . Which was one of the amazing thing that happened after the end of my last love story. I have a note where I have written 15 songs, couple of poems that are just incomplete in itself and couple of small piece of writing like this that is never so good to be posted in any blog or published in newspapers. I know I am not a good at writing but I know I am good at pouring the feelings of my heart what so ever.

I don’t know why she left away in silence. I didn’t even get one word “goodbye” before she left me. At least that would have been fair enough for me. I would have a reason for forgetting her. But now I can’t forget here coz I still think there is hope of getting together at some point of life because we were together happy for two years. I loved her so dearly and I thought that she did the same with me. I don’t know what went wrong in between her and me that made her run away so far away that I am not even able to see her on the horizon. I don’t know where will I be able to find her again but I do still have the hope of getting her back to my life and be happy forever. I had promised her that I would never make her upset but those promises were broken by me at times but I didn’t really mean to do that. It just happened and I know she forgave me for that. I can’t forget those good sweet days, we were together and those days memories always recalls me of you beautiful lady. You were the most beautiful creature in this world for me. You were so real and so down to earth but I don’t know what went wrong. You had the sweet husky voice. You were gorgeous and were always smiling. I never had any bad days in my life when you were with me. Every day and nights were so very perfect as if you made those days and nights for me. But today you are gone and nothing remained the same. Things changed a lot and I also got changed. I could accept everything couldn’t accept that you left me unanswered. The other thing which is quite surprising to me is that I stopped to feel for other coz it’s all useless….

-Rockend

I was not only the one who was suffering. There were a lot of them who were even worse than me. I was the person is responsible for being in this condition. But now I have learned a lot of things from my mistakes. I came to know when good time goes bad. When I was here in the hospital where at first things were like hell to me but when I kept on spending my time out here it began to unwrap so many realities and truth about life that I was spell bound by those facts. At first the hospital was like hell for me. Everything I saw around was medicine, doctor, nurse, patients… But I later found it to be lot more than that. I then started to explorer more when I came to know the person who was really very sick and was going to leave this world soon but he had great hopes that he will survive. From that very day I got myself changed a lot.

That day changed me a lot and then after I started to write journal. My daily journal where I wrote what I was in the hospital everyday and how I perceived those things by my intelligence. I wrote so many journals in my stay in the hospital for 8 months which is a long time.  And I want to share some of my journal with you people.

February 14,2004:-                                                                                                                          Venue:-hospital bed

I was lying on my bed it was around 5 pm. I was trying to get some rest after having some painful day. Then at the moment I heard some cry not that far enough from my ward. I was wondering what it  was . It was none other than a girl crying due to pain. I asked one of the nurses if she knew anything then the answer was she had an accident and she got serious injury. Then after couple of hours I came to know that  the girl was in ICU. She wasn’t the only patient whom I had seen that day. There were a lot of them. I saw a burnt patient. I didn’t really know how that happened to the lady. As far as I have heard from people I came to know that she was trying to burn herself on fire. Well for me it was like a horrible scene when I saw people around her crying and praying to god. And one thing that I noticed was tears in the eyes of the nurse.  As a human nobody wants to see anybody in trouble unless that person is mean or who does not know what humanity is. It was also a day which still comes in my memory going through the journal that when you are in hard times you need those people to be around you. They will understand you problem and you situation all in one very well. Then you’ll really know the value of being alive in this world. My friends came to see me with fruits and flowers. I was happy like a little kid. My friends started to joke and those jokes really meant a lot coz it make me forget those pains for a while. Those are the times when real friends that have come in need to have some fun. Along with them was my beautiful and lovely baby full of tears in her eyes. I felt bad but I was not able to drop even a single drop of tear infront  of her poor me. Well my friends went outside of the ward and waited for like 2 hours. For 2 hours I didn’t talk a lot with her all I did was try to convince her that I’ll be ok soon and will be healthy enough to walk again. But I didn’t tell her the fact about how bad my injury was. Just to make sure that she would not get shocked when she hears that. All the conversation that we had in that 2 hours of duration is funny that we were talking like 5 years old kids. Well even thought it was childish it was lovely and I will never forget it in my life. Hmm… the other good thing that happened to me that I learned how it feels to see other in sorrows when I was in the hospital. The guy who’s bed was next to mine was a patient who was going to day in couple of month time. But I never saw him worried, and I did not know the fact that he didn’t knew he was dying very soon. That day his family members came to visit him and they were crying but the man was saying those little kids that he going be fine. I felt pity on those innocent children who were just 10 (boy) and 6 (gal) years old. The six year old daughter even didn’t know why her father was in the hospital. Then I realized that I was like that 6 year old kid who was small so innocent she didn’t know why his father is in the hospital. I came to realize that  I am still like the small 6 year old kid who didn’t know a lot of things about life. Today I think that 8 months have taught me a lot and I don’t regret myself being in the hospital for such a long duration. My stay there made me learn a lot of things. I don’t want to forget those hard working doctors and nurses who work so save people life from nowhere. I really appreciate the work they do and the way they work. It’s a really tough job…

… to be continued