My bail is $360...he he Guilty as charged.

The husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed,
when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache". "Perfect,"
her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my shtick with
aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, it's up to you!!!

A Few Good Baseball Men

Clemens: You want  answers?

Congressman: I think I'm  entitled to them.

Clemens: You want  answers?

Congressman: I want the  truth!

Clemens: You can't handle the  truth! Son, we live in a world that has  baseballs.

And  those balls have to be hit by men with bats. Who's gonna do it? You?  You,Congressman?

I have  a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for steroids  and you curse HGH. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing  what I know: that HGH, while illegal, probably sells tickets. And my  existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, sells tickets...You  don't want the truth.

Because deep down, in places you  don't talk about at parties, you want me on that mound. You need me on that  mound. We use words like fastball, slider, split-finger...we use these words  as the backbone to a life spent playing a sport. You use 'em as a punch-line.  I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who  rises and falls asleep to the Sportscenter clips I provide,! then questions  the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went  on your way.

Otherwise, I suggest you pick up  a bat and dig in. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're  entitled to!

Congressman: Did you order the  HGH?
 
Clemens: (quietly) I did the job  you sent me to do.

Congressman: Did you order the  HGH?

Clemens: You're G*d D!m right I  did!

GOOD
In Warwick , a Rhode Island State Trooper was running radar. He had a perfect
spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting any. Then he discovered the
problem. A 12 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign
which read 'RADAR TRAP AHEAD!' The officer later found a young accomplice down
the road with a sign reading, 'TIPS' and a bucket full of money. (Beats a
lemonade stand!)

BETTER
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar
post in Cranston, RI A $40.00 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he
sent the police department a picture of $40.00. The police responded with
another mailed photo of handcuffs.

BEST
A young woman was pulled over in Providence , RI for speeding. As the RI State
Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, 'I
bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Rhode Island State Police Ball.' He
replied, ' RI State Troopers don't have balls.' There was a moment of silence
while she smiled and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book,
got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to even start her
car.

hahahaha ... fantastic BC ....  Keep it commin ...