Subject: BOYFRIEND UPGRADE


Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other "valuable" programs, such as romance 9.9, and installed undesirable" programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate



Dear Desperate,

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 was an entertainment package, while husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Try to enter the command C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Guilt 3.3 and Flowers 7.5.

But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to such applications as Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.

Please remember that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.WAV files.

DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another boyfriend program. These are not supported applications, and will crash Husband 1.0.

It could also potentially cause Husband 1.0 to de- fault to the program: Girlfriend 9.2, which runs in the background and has been known to introduce potentially serious viruses into the Operating System.

In summary! , Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and can't learn new applications quickly.

You might consider buying additional software to enhance his system performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Single Malt Scotch 4.5 combined with such applications as that old standby... Lingerie 6.9.

Apart from the above, here is some cleaning you can do to your system to enhance better performance.

Sometimes Quarrel 2.3 can disburse the smooth functioning of the system and hence can cause divorce 5.0 active.

Not to let Divorce 5.0 erupt, and bring virus infection into the program, the package should be handled with care. Everynight You need to use Viagra 3.9 to not let that happen. Apart from drug cindenafil citrate you can use other means of performance enhancement like everyday showering and massaging of the package.

There maybe some cropped files like Mother-in-Law 1.0 poped-up into the system. You shouldn't let Mother-in-law stay longer in the system. If it stays permanently, it can again cause Divorce 5.0 active.

In order to get rid of Mother-in-Law 1.0, you should instal Father-in-Law 3.0. This can cause Mother-in-Law to get the hell out of the system.

If you really want to clean up the system fully, you can sometimes every now and again instal Prostitute 5.1 or go to start-run-and type whore://pleasegivemesatisfaction.ram.

Please donot instal Tears 6.2. This can heartbreak your system badly and may need severe treatment. You should always instal Happy 8.0.

I hope this will help you out.

Sir Robert Frost.

WOWWY---one of my fav poets ko sajha ma darshan payein ni aaja....dil khush hua!!

ani, I didn't know that while "passing through woods on a snowy evening" our dear kavi also contrived ahem, computer related remedies!! :)))) mannai parchha, jahan pugdainan ravi, tyahan pugda raichhan sir robert frost kavi! :)))

jokes aside, mr. frost (wow, feels like i'm addressing the REAL person!!haha) an excellent choice! ;)

In peace.

czar ji

I am sure Mr. Desperate used a Floppy disc and not a Hard disc.... Somewhere coordination na milya jasto cha! Says the Oracle of Delphi! khoi SQL na milya ho ki sequence!
:P

Dear Desperate,
I think you should get rid of husband 1.0, re-format your computer, and re-install fresh husband 2.0 -- the upgraded version.
This husband 2.0 has a great executable program called freeek.exe. Freek.exe is compatible with both Mac's and PC's. It has built in fire-wall and virus protection. You don't even have to worry about spyware. It has built in entertaintment package, and it doesn't do even a single thing more than you programed it to do.
It is ready, whenever you want to play with it, and it even works when your PC's turned off.
Sould i send you the Demo version?

Dr. Freek.

very interesting!!
keep it up! guys.