DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish = 49

Adventurous = Slept with everyone

Athletic = No t-i-t-s

Average looking = Ugly

Beautiful = Pathological liar

Contagious smile = Does a lot of pills

Emotionally Secure = On medication

Feminist = Fat

Free spirit = Junkie

Friendship first = Former slut

Fun = Annoying

New-Age Body = Hair in the wrong places

Open-minded = Desperate

Outgoing = Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate = Sloppy drunk

Professional = B-i-t-c-h

Voluptuous = Very Fat

Large frame = Hugely Fat

Wants soul mate = Stalker


WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want..

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = You're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = You better not

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?


MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay