This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: We are a lighthouse. Your call.

An American man came to Pakistan .While on his way he saw a man peeing beside the wall .he knew little urdu so he decided to ask."hey!tum yaha kya karta hai"
"mein yaha peshaab karta hai"the man said
"tum yaha kyun karta hai"the english man asks
"bhai,hum ko aata hai is liye kerta hai"the man said
"hmm, police nahi pakarta hai"the man asked
"nahi janab ,hum ko khud pakar ker kerna perta hai"
:)

A blind guy sitting on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna
hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke,
you should know something. Our bartender is blond and the bouncer is blond. I'm
6' tall 200 LB and have a black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2"
and weighs 225 lbs and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5"
pushing 300 lbs and he's a wrestler. We're all blonde too! Think about it, do
you really want to tell that blonde joke now?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times
I don't."

This is hilarious...

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, So he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally Typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date: 16 May 2002


I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones.

I've just reached and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

...............................................

Appontment Letter from Amrika
Santa Singh sent his bio data to America to apply for a post in Microsoft.
A few days later he got this reply:-
"Dear Mr. Singh,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence.
No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks"
Santa Singh jumped with joy on receiving this reply.

He arranged a party and when all the guests had come,
he said "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar Khushi hogee ki mujhay Amrika mein Naukri Mil Gayee hai."
Everyone was delighted. Santa Singh continued, "Ab main aap sab ko apnaa Appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa, par letter English main hai Isliyen saath-saath Hindi main Translate bhee kartaa jaongaa."
" Dear Mr. Singh ----- pyare singh sahab
You do not meet ---- aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ---- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondence ---- ab letter vetter bhejnay kee zaroorat nahee hai.
No phone call ---- phone vone kee bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ---- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ---- aapkaa bahut bahut shukriya"

hahahaha...very funny...

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went upon the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the Driver said: "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You Scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for the last 25 years."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HARD-DISK Woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

WINDOWS Woman:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without
her.

EXCEL Woman:
They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your four
basic needs.

SCREENSAVER Woman:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

INTERNET Woman:
Difficult to access.

SERVER Woman:
Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA Woman:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM Woman:
She is always faster and faster.

E-MAIL Woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

&

VIRUS Woman:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs
herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will
lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose
everything............
.......................................

Jack, a smart businessman, talks to his son:
Jack: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I will choose my own bride".
Jack: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case..."

Next Jack approaches Bill Gates:
Jack: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates : "But my daughter is too young to marry."
Jack: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates : "Ah, in that case..."

Finally Jack goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Jack: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President : "But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."
Jack: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case....."


...........................
British Airways flight is going to Patna from London.

When it gets close to Patna it starts having some kind of trouble. The pilot Contacts the air tower at Patna airport and asks for help:

"Patna, this Captain Smith, British Airways flight 007, do you read?"

"flight 007, dis iz Patna felight contorol, go ahead"

"Patna, this is flight 007, we have a problem"

"dis iz Patna, vat kind of peroblem?"

"this is flight 007, we have lost power to our engines, please advise"

"dis iz Patna, i reed you, peleez check some things for me, ok?"

"this is flight 007, go ahead"

"dis iz Patna, can you get emergency pover to your engines?"

"this is flight 007, negative, no power is available"

"dis iz Patna, can you peleez bering your altitutde to 20,000 feet?"

"this is flight 007, negative, our wing controls do not respond"

"dis iz Patna, can you peleez see if you can lower your veels?"

"this is flight 007, negative, landing gears are stuck"

"dis is Patna, vould you peleeze repeet thez words after me"

"this is flight 007, go ahead"

"dis iz Patna, repeat thez words peleeze: RAM NAAM SATYA HEI

Once a Hindu, Muslim and our dear Santa Singh are standing when
Britisher comes and asks "Hey guys what are your favorite flowers?
Hindu: "Lotus" Britisher: "Ha I clean my shit with that!" Hindu is
surprised and angry as lotus being national flower. Muslim: "Chameli"
Britisher: "Ha I clean my shit with that!" Muslim also surprised and
angry. Britisher: "sardarji and what is your favorite flower?"
Patriotic
Santa: "CACTUS! ab kar le saaf.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If Movies Release by Microsoft.......


* Kal MSN Ho Na Ho *
* Tere Nick *
* ID Mil Gaya *
* Chat To Kero *
* Ek Programmer Thi *
* Yeh Hack Horaha Hai *
* Hum Pyar PC Se Kar Baithe *
* Network Ke Us Paar *
* Meri Disc Tumhare Paas Hai *
* Aao Chat Kare *
* C++ Wale Job Le Jayenge *
* Programmer No.1 *
* Mera Naam Developer *
* Hum Apke Memory Mein Rahate Hein *
* Do Processor, Baarah Terminal *
* Tera Code Chal Gaya *
* Har Din Jo Mail Karega *
* Debugging Koi Khel Nahi *
* Jish Desh Mein Bill Gates Rehtha Hai *
* Raju Ban Gaya MCSD *
* Client Ek Numbari, C ++Programmer Dus Numbari *
* Login Karo Sajana *
* Naukar PC Ka *
* 1942 -- A Bug Story *
* Kaho Na Virus Hai *
* Crash Se Crash Tak *
* Haan Meine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai *
* Shaheed Hacker Singh *
* Password De Ke Dekho *
* Terminal Apna , Login Parayi *
* Mr. Network Lal *
* Terminal Sajaake Rakhna *
* Hackers Ka Raja, Debuggers Ki Rani *
* Kyonki Mein Debug Nahin Kartha *
* Phir Theri Java-SCRlPT Yaad Aayi *
* Hack To Hona Hi Tha *

,................
(Conversation between George W. Bush and Conda Leeza Rice)

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The Chinaman!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya' asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That's the man's name.

George: That's who's name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condi: Rice, here.

George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East? 8)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A true story from the Japanese Embassy in US :
Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training
before he visits Washington and meets with President Bill Clinton.
The instructor told Mori " Prime Minister, when you shake hand with
President Clinton, please say 'how are you'.
Then Mr Clinton would say "I am fine, and you ?" Now you should say
'me too'.
Afterwards we, translators, will do all the work for you."
It looks quite simple, but the truth is ....
When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said "Who Are You ?".
Mr Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor
"Well, I am Hilary's husband, ha ha..."
Then Mori replied confidently "Me too, ha ha ha.."
Then there was a long silence........

Yo chahi Saturday afternoon ko lagi hai..or whenver you read it :)

THERE was a rather old-fashioned lady, always quite delicate and
>>elegant, especially in language. She and he husband were planning a
>>week's vacation in Florida, so she wrote to a campground and asked for
>>a reservation. She wanted to make sure the campground was fully
>equipped,
>>but didn't know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just
>>could not bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter.
>> After much deliberation, she finally came up with the term
>>"bathroom commode". But after writing that down, she still thought
>>she was being too forward, so she rewrote the entire letter and
>>referred to the "bathroom commode" merely as the "BC". "Does the
>>campground have its own BC?" is what she actually wrote.
>>
>>Well, the gampground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all and when
>>he got the letter, he just couldn't figure what the woman was
>>talking about. That "BC" business really stumped him. He showed
>>the letter to several couples, but they couldn't imagine what the
>>lady meant either. So the campground owner finally came to the
>>conclusion that the lady must be asking about the location of
>>the nearest Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply:
>>
>>
>>DEAR MADAM,
>>
>>I regret the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the
>>pleasure of informing you that a BC is located 9 miles north of
>>the campground and is capable of seating 250 people at one time.
>>It is located in a beautiful pine grove and is open only on Sundays
>>and Wednesdays. I admit it is quite a distance away if you are in
>>the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know
>>that many people take their lunch along and make a day of it.
>>They usually arrive early and stay late.
>>
>>My daughter met her husband in the BC. Sometimes it is so crowded
>>there are five to a seat. It may interest you to know that right now
>>there is a supper planned to raise money to buy more seats. They are
>>going to hold it in the basement of the BC. It pains me very much not
>> to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely not due to a lack
>>of desire on my part. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an
>effort, particularly in cold weather. If you decide to come to our
>campground,
>>perhaps I could go with you the first time you go and sit with you
>>and introduce you to all the other folks. We will be sure to get
>>a seat up front where you can be seen by everyone. Remember, we are
>>a friendly community.
>>Sincerely, the Campground Owner.