My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
-Henny Youngman
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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we
met.
-Rodney Dangerfield
-----------------------------------------------------------

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's
wrong.
-Milton Berle
------------------------------------------------------------

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,
"There was
water in the carburetor."
I asked her, "Where's the car?"
She replied, In the lake."
-Henny Youngman
--------------------------------------------------------------

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-Henny Youngman
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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You
know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and
didn't notice."
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When a man steals your wife, there is no better
revenge than to let him keep her.
---------------------------------------------------------------

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't
like to interrupt her.
----------------------------------------------------------

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got myself two girlfriends.
---------------------------------------------------------

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided
not to report it since the thief was spending much less than
his wife did.
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Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is
finished.
----------------------------------------------------------

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does
it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still
paying."
----------------------------------------------------------

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of
Africa, a Man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
---------------------------------------------------------

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real
happiness was until I got married; then it was too
late.
----------------------------------------------------------

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
--------------------------------------------------------

A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a
millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the
friend. "A billionaire." she replied,
----------------------------------------------------------

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over
experience.
----------------------------------------------------------

It's not true that married men live longer than single
men. It only seems longer.
----------------------------------------------------------

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was
almost impossible.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go
through life Thinking they had no faults at all.
----------------
-----------------------------------------
A successful man is one who makes more money than his
wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such
a man.
----------------------------------------------------------

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask
for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says, Okay, give me a
million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."
---------------------------------------------------------

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for
marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
----------------------------------------------------------

The most effective way to remember your wife's
birthday is to forget it