The concept of online dating has recently captivated my mind with such a brawny grasp that even if some nincompoop were to squeeze my genitals (god forbid) I could not take my mind off of it; more specifically to that matter, online dating in the Nepali community through, say yahoo or more recently to my knowledge, through Sajha.com. Through out the past year it has boggled my mind, animated my thoughts, and finally titillated my fingers enough for this dormant beast of a person that I am, to actually sit down on the computer and regurgitate my thoughts with utmost freedom. I’m most certainly positive that, the feeling Kumbakarna got when he smelled food, was nowhere close to my scintillating awakening.
Up ahead lay a dusty and bumpy path for me which I was determined to take like the ambitious Theseus venturing towards the minotaur layer (That’s a lil overboard isn’t it hehee). Here’s how it started.
In a drunken conversation, Sajha.com sprang its head up eagerly waiting to be discussed (kinda like how bugs bunny springs his head up to irritate the ‘doc’). Soon we were talking about dating online.
I was quick in saying “Hya, that’s pathetic, any person who looks for girls/guys online is a sore loser and is not confident enough to make it happen for himself in the real world.†Everyone seemed to agree, blatantly avoiding their own acquaintances and secret crushes on people online who they have never met.
After a couple of days later I had a chance to mull over the hastily made remark on my part. Is it so pathetic to look for people over the net? If it is, then why are there thousands of websites dedicated to match making? Why has the frequency of online dating exponentially increased over the last couple of years? Even these questions were not enough to change my mind on the issue. I still thought it was pathetic and that people should go out there if they want to meet their partners, one night stands, their dominatrix, or even their little 12 year old victims.
The path amidst the foggy road cleared up showing several directions. What IS in fact the ‘real world’ or what does it mean when someone says ‘out there’? Internet is such a uniting part of our lives that distance doesn’t seem to matter. Taking off my horse blinds I started to ponder over the matter a little more freely. Theoretically speaking, internet increases the number of ‘choices’ a person has from which he/she can choose, even though some of them might not be as likely as other ones. The person is not only limited to his/her acquaintances in his/her material life but can also wander off in search of someone who is a better fit for him/her. But does internet really provide you the same and accurate depth of understanding as is felt when interacted physically? When you see ‘LOL’ in a screen, you’re supposed to think that the person on the other side of the screen is laughing but is he/she really laughing? Saying LOL is as easy as three expedient movement of one’s fingers. Even if the person IS laughing or smiling, how is he or she doing it… (those little things). There will always be a disconnection in those little things that are not possible in an online relationship. But then should one consider it a start atleast? Maybe the next step is meeting the person and then finding out if you like the person.
A scenario: What if the someone who dates online…(lets make it a male for now and call him Ramu, for the sheer convenience of writing. Just incase it could be Sita for all you feminists getting bummed off by ‘my sexist mentality’). Ok Ramu is extremely busy with work and does not have time to socialize with his fellow friends, internet only keeps his options open but also allows him to partake in some mild online flirtation, which could turn into some heavy petting (given the trend I notice in Sajha now a days, its highly possible).
Everything put aside, what really stuck my mind was: why this online dating is SO much convenient for Nepalese who live here in the United States or anywhere else in the world.
In a second scenario let us assume the same Ramu lives in some anakantar gau in the ‘lovely US of A’. He has just been in this ‘lovely’ country for a couple of years and still has a hard time adjusting with the American culture. Being said it’s a gau lets also say that he and Ramesh are the only nepali people in his gau. Aba k garne, ki ramu le ramesh ko chakma ramita garnu paryo, ki nepali keti khojnu paryo, since he doesn’t get along with kuiri haru.
Despite of the profanity, this Sajha.com bhanne site does wonders for people like Ramu. His need for having a Nepali mate will hopefully be fulfilled someday without having to go back to have explored the other side of his sexuality.
Having somehow justified the case with Ramu’s all or nothing scenario I looked back at the issue again. Why limit it to such an extreme scenario? If Ramu is allowed everyone else should be allowed to look for his/her mate on the net? But is that what we really want is I ask you all? Will the convenience of internet make people lazy in finding out their mates the traditional way? Will it undermine one’s ability and want to actually have a ‘real relationship’? Or is this a trend that will spread so much that it will soon be acceptable.
Hmm… coming to think about it, one of my cousins…a divorcee got married with a guy she met online. She’s extremely happy and well off with several little toddlers of her own.
One last question to top it off: Even if online dating is the norm, would it be cheating if a married/committed person has online bf/gfs on the side?
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