A NEPALI IN DISTRESS
Neha,
Jefferson City
I have been visiting your site regularly for a couple of weeks now. First heard it at a gathering in Oklahoma City where my boyfriend and myself traveled all the way from Jefferson City for a Nepali friends wedding. It was great to see so many people from back home. Have been following your website religiously since then and hence, made up my mind to share with you what I'm going through at the moment in this strange land, with the hope that it shall be put up in the 'contributed article' section. If and when it does make it to your website, I appeal to all viewers to please advise me on what steps I need to take to put an end to my misery.
I'm 22 and my name is Neha. I come from a very affluent family currently living in Maharganj. Being the only child I was brought up like a princess, sent to the best schools in Deharadun and Kathmandu, showered with anything I wished for. Money was never an issue. Got as much as I wanted…whenever, wherever.
Before I begin with my sob story, let me take you a few months back. I was on a winter break and back home in Kathmandu when I met Rahul at a popular restaurant at Durbar Marg. Rahul had just come back from the US for a few months because of a death in the family and besides, it had been 3 years since he last visited his folks back home. It was instant attraction. I did not give it much thought initially but after repeated phone calls and a few meetings and with constant pestering, I succumbed to his charms. Who wouldn't? Rahul was tall, fair, decent looking, was a 'US Green Card holder' had good manners without any airs about him…. Everything was perfect! But my folks refused to accept our relationship. They reasoned that 'something' about Rahul was not just right. They said that they had a hunch that he was not the right person for me.
Time passed by and soon it was time for Rahul to go back and join his 'work' as a mortgage consultant in Jefferson City. We had a quiet dinner a day before he left. Finally, he spoke up saying that he wanted me to come along with him and that it was impossible to live without me. Oh! How much I loved him. It was then and there that I decided to join him in the US. We said our goodbyes with me promising him that I shall come to the US within 2 months. It was only after that Rahul had departed from the airport that I realized how much I missed him. From the very next day, I made preparations for the visa processes. Did not have much of a problem because I had a elderly friend working at the Embassy, borrowed some money from a friend and I had saved some as well. Did not amount to much, but was enough for the tickets and a few 100 dollars extra…just in case.
9th March, 2006, the day had finally arrived for me to leave home and run away to be with Rahul. Nothing else mattered to me except Rahul. All I wanted to do then was be in his arms. Wrote a long letter to my parents asking them for their forgiveness and thanking them for all they had done for me. Did not have the courage to talk to them on this matter. So finally, without saying a word to anybody, I cried myself all the way to the airport. Not a single time did I ever think of changing my mind. I had decided and I was bent on sticking by my decision. Don't remember much of the plane ride. Its all hazy.
Was delighted though to see the smiling face of Rahul at the Airport. I was thrilled! I got what I wanted. Rahul took me to his apartment which was a mess to say the least. We caught up on things and made love the whole day and night. I considered myself the luckiest girl in the whole wide world. I was fortunate to have Rahul and that was all I wanted in life. I started my stay in the US with first cleaning up, fixing things and taking care of the apartment while Rahul was off working at a mortgage company about an hour bus ride from the place where we lived.
A couple of weeks passed by when I first realized that I was bored just watching TV and doing odds and ends at the house. I approached Rahul and said that I wanted to work too, do something to keep myself occupied, plus a few extra dollars would surely help. He had no problems with it and in fact finances had by now been the major topic of our arguments. It did not bother me initially, but after the arguments turned into frequent quarrels, I started working at a kindergarten school as an apprentice nearby. The pay was not too bad and I was able to finance the initial payment on the car loan that Rahul always wanted to have. A brand new Mustang!
Rahul seemed happy with his new toy and often was gone for days 'camping with his friends'. He did not take me out much and it was then that I started feeling lonely. During one of his camping out nights, while cleaning the house, I happen to notice a suspicious cartoon box in the small attic of the apartment. It was only Rahul who used to clean that part of the apartment and forbade me to go up there saying that it was risky for a woman to climb up and hence, it was him that cleaned up the mess up there. The cartoon contained syringes, vials, some pornographic magazines and a huge stack of marijuana. I was speechless and things started to fall in place. No wonder he used to frequent the attic on some pretext or the other.
I confronted him when he arrived the next day, least aware what I was to expect. He confessed that he had been a drug addict for a couple of years now and that he even peddled drugs to earn the little money that he brought home. The Mortgage Company, Mortgage Consultant and other stuff were all a lie. I was shattered. Confronted with my reminders of his promises and the trust that had been broken, he hit me. It was the first time in my live that anybody had raised a hand on me. Constant fights and beatings become regular from that day on. Now, there is not a single day that I have not got a thrashing from him. My only fault is that I keep telling him to kick off the habit, join a drug rehabilitation program and stop peddling drugs.
I am on the 3rd month of my pregnancy and I don't want an abortion. I have no one to share my feelings with. My colleagues at the kindergarten advise me to go to the police or contact the lawyers. I do not want to go to the Police because I'm staying illegally here, the lawyers are out of the question because of the finances and for the obvious reason that I don't know anybody and there is nobody who can help me out. My folks back home do not want me to come to Kathmandu. 'You have disgraced us. We have nothing to do with you now, we disown you" is what they said when I spoke to them last on the phone. I have become a mental wreck since.
Rahul does not come home for days and when he does, he has his friends along with him, all of them high on dope. They do their drugs and have wild orgies in our apartment. The most disgusting aspect of it all is that Rahul, too is an active participant. I'm on the brink of committing suicide. Confronting him with his responsibilities and the child we are going to have, is a waste of time. He refuses to even listen, leave alone do something about it. The apartment rent is long overdue. The little that I make from my work goes to the payment of the various loans and the car loan for the Mustang. The rest is taken away by Rahul. I have no credit cards and there is never enough grocery in the house. To save money, I only have one meal a day consisting of bread and soup. My health is going from bad to worse, especially with the little one inside me. I wish to return back to Kathmandu and start afresh without Rahul, but I don't even have enough money for the tickets.
I look upon you to advise me on this matter and what steps I should take so that I can get out of this mess. Depending on your suggestions, I shall take further decisions. I am willing to consider your advices, be it the police, the lawyers…whatever! I need YOUR HELP.
(Names have been changed to protect the identity of the writer)
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