Since it's
coming up to the end of another academic year I thought I'd take this
opportunity to explain how lucky you Americans are to have a fraternity system.




English universities

are so dull by comparison. Like most students in England
I had to rent private accommodation for my second and third years, but it never
occurred to us to build a whole culture around collectively renting a rather
dilapidated house in Clapham. It wasn't even single sex accommodation, so we
couldn't engage in the fun and games of para-homosexual activities - Girls just
don't have the same grip on your loyalties as your Greek brothers.

;-)



And while cliques certainly form in English universities, the are all much too
boring to come up with the idea of hazing. I fondly recall diving off a weir
and almost drowning when I was 12 because everyone said I was chicken. If only
it had been possible for me to gain respect in later life through similar
tests, and if these tests could have been combined with pseudo Masonic rituals
culminating in the awarding of a little badge, then that truly would have made
my time at University worthwhile. And while I still have friends from
University, these friendships seem so hollow compared to bonds of fraternal
brotherhood since they are not based on solemn vows of fellowship, mutual
sacrifice, group solidarity and owning the same poxy little badge.



Then there's sheer joy alcohol seems to bring fraternity members. By the time I
went to university the delights of getting dangerously drunk at parties had
started to seem mundane. But to American students in fraternities, the bravado
of excessive alcohol consumption is a an exciting new and illicit game where
you can prove yourself worthy to all your male friends and simultaneously
circumvent college alcohol policy - thereby proving what a rebel you are too.
Gosh.



I am also rather fond of the references to ancient Greece. It reeks of a history
far nobler and grander than anything a British University can instill its students
with, and the wearing of togas must make it seem as authentic as a ploughman's
lunch.



I think what I am trying to say is that Fraternities give young Americans the
chance to grow up in their own time, and that it is regrettable that no similar
opportunity is afforded to European Students. In particular, I find it sad that
even some American students forego the opportunity to wear togas and claim to
be Greek. Really this should be mandatory, so every graduate will be secure in
the knowledge that they have gained something much more valuable than a degree
from an American University - a little badge with some Greek letters on it.



Although I am not American, I admire the system so much that I would dearly
love to become an honorary member of a fraternity. I have set my heart on
becoming an alumnus of Theta Omicron Sigma Sigma Epsilon Ro Sigma. I do so hope
this is possible.”