Hi guys,

We all want to be accepted by whatever family, community that we find ourselves in. Being rejected by our friends, family, community and people in any way can be a very painful experience. This is a subject that has come up in sajha in many different ways. I wanted to revisit it. 

A cousin brother of mine was rejected from our baun family and community because of his lack of accomplishments. His childhood background was unstable so he tripped educationally. We all know how little tolerance that Nepali community in general has for these things. My relatives and baun community took this as a sign that this guy was unworthy of respect as a human being. Stereotypically, bauns in Nepal to be very chalaakh. The bauns in my community took it that because my cousin tripped educationally that he was not chalaakh and chaalu as they were.

I have laure friends who have experienced the same thing. Their relatives really valued army life and being in the military. Some of these guys did not want to join the military and because of this their family and relatives really looked down on them. These guys feel rejected by their community.

I know other guys in the Newar community. These guys are expected to establish their own name in business. The ones that cannot do this are rejected from their family and community. They will not be able to marry girls from nice familys in Newar community. This is a form of social rejection.

Are you part of an ethnicity that knows someone who experienced this form of rejection? What does your community value that if you did not attain, you would be rejected from that community?

Syanjali,

Thanks for your post. As painful as it is for the individual, I think that abandoning people who don't fit a certain criteria has its benefits also. It is nature's way of preserving traits that are considered beneficial. The logic is: what is the point of encouraging traits that are not beneficial.

Specific to Nepal though, I feel that one reason we are so jugdemental as a society is because we have a very narrow standard of what is acceptable traits in our society. I think that we are very quick to reject people who don't fit a narrow standard.

I feel that the more resources that a society enjoys, the more open-minded it tends to be about what is acceptable. The fewer resources that a society has, the more close-minded people are. I feel that this is why Nepal and Nepalese are close-minded.