Everyone in Nepal knows how to comment and criticize but very few know how to criticize constructively. We aren’t action oriented people, we’re happy just to talk over chhiya and chicken chilly. Whereas talking about issues is the first step to improvement, it’s nowhere near enough.

I’ve broken down the cycle of commenting and critiquing into four blocks (this of course, is just my opinion and you’re entitled to your own):

1)  Fear of criticizing

Nepal is small and Kathmandu is smaller yet. Whereas the world may be linked through six degrees of separation, I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone in Nepal knew each other by an arm’s length or less. And because the person you despise is your mama-ko-saathi-ko-chori, you can’t say what you want openly since you (somehow) know the person and either don’t want to hurt their feelings or you’re afraid of saying it like it is.

Usually, this means opinions are given in hushed tones and behind backs – which in the long run is more destructive, and you know word will get out because we Nepalis like to talk.

2)  Criticize…constructively

So, the fact is, we’re incapable of refraining from commenting – and since we’re going to do it anyways, why not make it helpful? If you feel the need to stand up for something, foul words won’t win your case. My rule of thumb goes something like this: If you see a problem, instead of just commenting on it offer a solution.

The other party is free to accept or decline your suggestions, but instead of bickering and being petty, offering an alternative is far more constructive. Plus, it’s more encouraging and having options for improvement is what we really need.

3)   Don’t know the benefits of criticism

Now if you’re on the end where comments are coming your way, you’re likely to feel attacked. Here, a bought of discernment is useful. Most people will be harsh and try to start a fight. If some point out negative points, acknowledging existing flaws will be more beneficial because you then know where you need to up your game. Some (hopefully) will offer ideas for improvement and it would be wise to take them into consideration.

Better yet – try to look at it as “feedback” because really, in all the poorly worded comments and insults is the best place to look to for next time – to make it better.

Negative comments aren’t bad, if you get enough of them – pay attention to them because there is always room for improvement and you aren’t always right.

4)  The comments to criticism

After someone is critiqued, we’re not ones to usually stay silent because whether talking to friends or putting up a Facebook status, we’ll offer our retort. In doing so, try to stay clear of being a bitch because that doesn’t help anyone, and if you do that we’re just back to commenting (poorly) and the cycle of why criticism in Nepal is terrible continues. If someone offers their say and you feel the need to defend your cause, then do so but offer valid arguments and don’t attack the individual.

In Nepal, it’s common to see that what gets critiqued the most is Nepal itself. I’m sure we all agree that situations here aren’t ideal and there is much that should and could be done. I criticize Nepal all the time, but I also try to make a difference in the little every day thing I do. Being willing to openly comment on Nepal does not mean I don’t love my country, doesn’t mean I’m not Nepali, doesn’t mean I don’t’ know anything about Nepal – and attacking my nationalism because I am willing to give Nepal a hard critical eye is why we aren’t able to improve.

Of course, I do hope you know you’re free to comment, but I ask we keep one thing in mind: If you disagree, that is wonderful! If you feel you must comment and express your views, that’s better still! But when saying your piece, would it hurt to do it with respect? That’ll make for better dialogue and won’t crumble to a pointless fight of name calling and immature insults.

We obviously need to change the way we think, and it’ll be a lot easier to do it if everyone can say their piece and if it is received well.

Saani has no real goals and aspirations but she sees opportunity in everything and goes with the flow. This is probably because she loves exploring and discovering. She writes for fun but for the same reason she also cooks, reads, and spends a lot of time on random websites that offer a chance to learn all sorts of tid-bits on life.