Besides, as Jamison puts it, "because of a lack of information, poor medical advice, stigma.
Or fear of personal and professional reprisals, they do not seek
treatment at all." The illness "distorts moods and thoughts,
incites dreadful beahaviours, destroys the basis of rational
thought, and too often erodes the desire and will to live. It is
biological in origins, yet one feels psychological in the
experience of it; an illness that is unique in conferring advantage
and pleasure, yet one that brings in its wake almost unendurable
suffering and, not infrequently, suicide."
Jamison's traces the roots of her manic episodes to watching
her brilliant, idiosyncratic father periodically fly high and come
crashing down on his emotional roller-coaster when she was a child.
In college, which was an emotionally traumatic rite of passage to
her, she spends more time on research at labs than get good grades.
Her research skills get her into graduate school, where, she finds
the "freedom from the highly structured existence of undergraduate
studies", delves into experimental psychology, and, as a
student-researcher, interacts with a variety of patients with
mental health problems.
Offered a teaching position upon the completion of the PhD,
she starts a job at a time when her mania hits her with full
force. Of that period, she writes, "my marriage was falling apart
. . . I was increasingly restless, irritable and I craved
excitement: all of a sudden, I found myself rebelling against the
very things I most loved about my husband: his kindness, stability,
warmth and love. I impulsively reached out for a new life . . .
credit cards are disastrous [for manic-depressives], personal
checks worse . . . "
As pieces started to fall out of Jamison's life, it was her
elder brother who, out of love and without judgment, started to
settle the dust for her. He paid her bills, bought her the medicine
of manic-depressives, Lithium, and basically "spread his wing" over
her. Jamison acknowledges that not many manic-depressives are lucky
to have such a loving family member, and she credits the support
and care she received from her brother for putting her back on
track of doing research. Meantime, she started going to therapies.
And so the memoir goes, in its very readable prose,
detailing intermittent periods of bliss and productivity in
Jamison's life with months of utter despair and madness. In
between, in lucid terms, she talks about the latest research being
done in the identification of and in the treatment of
manic-depressive patients. She addresses her concerns "about
writing [this book] that so explicitly describes my own attacks of
mania, depression, and psychosis, as well as my problems
acknowledging the need for ongoing medication."
In appearing undeterred by the possible effects of her memoir upon her personal
and professional life, she displays much courage, honesty and,
interestingly, pure emotional strength. But then, as anyone who,
like Jamison, has battled manic-depressive illness for any amount
of time may admit, once you learn to live with manic-depressive
illness, there is very little that seems to be of "insurmountable
difficulty".
All in all, this is a book I thoroughly enjoyed reading and
learning much from.
(Originally published in The Kathmandu Post Review of Books. July 25 1999)
