I dont know why today I miss nepal so much , while at work I was pondering with my feelings and I started to write this................I thought i'd share it with you guys.

I remember when Nepal was so peaceful, I recall bieng sad as a kid when a single murder became headline news in Nepal. I remember when all Nepali were free to roam around Nepal without any fear. I still can feel the sensation of pride when Nepal was announced ZONE OF PEACE, KRISHI PRADHEN DESH, I used to feel secure playing outside with friends, I recall the festivals of our country that was enjoyed by all, I recall being in a class of students in school from every ethnic groups and never questioning their Nepaliness. I remember our school picnics and outings to places like dhulikhel, kakani, dakshinkali, godavari, Balaju and the smell of beautiful mother nature of nepal and the peaceful Nepal in the air. I remember learning about our history nd the brave deeds of our Kings and fore fathers who united Nepal and fended our nationality from two huge invaders, I remember singing patriotic songs with my head held high in school, songs like HATI HOINA DATI LADNE NEPALI KO BANI HUNCHHA, RATO RA CHANDRA SURYA, BANE KO CHHA PAHARA LE YO CHHATI MERO, and of course our National Anthem defining the true character o all Nepali..."Shreeman ghambhir Nepali prachanda pratapi bhupati............" I remember Holi, dashain, bhaitika, ram nawami, saraswoti puja, buddha jayanti, machhindra jatra, Ghode jatra, Gai jatra etc etc more. and I can remember the festivness in the air and how people enjoyed JUST THE MOMMENT. I recall the times when water was never a problem, there was light in the house everyday. I remember watching saturday movie and that day in many homes was a meat eating day, washing clothes, bathing, basically a family day together, a beautiful HOLIDAY for all nepali. I recall going to the zoo with family, I remember flying kite and running carelessly to grab kites floating in the sky. I remember renting bicycles for 2 rs for an hour, I recall playing chor police, sevenstones, hide n seek, dum, marbles and many more games. I remember listening to crossroads and wanting to form my own pop band in school, them I started liking english songs and learnt to play the guitar, I remmeber growing older enough to remember sex differences and began to feel digfferently towards girls, I recall trying to dress up better and notice beautiful girls and friends also felt and acted the same way, I wore jeans, dingo, leather jacket and Ashiqi hair style, it was then that the govern ment started to cut guys hair if they had it long. I recall riots when KING stepped down, DEMOCRACY PREVAILED, I recall never understanding why elections happened so frequently and why the govern ment ignored the poor villagers???? I was caught up in my own democratic rebel life enjoying freedom of hanging out with friends and fighting with family, I even remember hearing about the maoists who was just a small group of robbers hiding in thejungle. didnt pay much attention, I was too caught up in my own life, the pain of growing up while still being forced to follow family rules.....Im sure most of us felt the same way, then I reacall prices in everything skyrocketting, line for kerosese, petroll sortage, gas sortage. Then WATER sortage. One day I remember the first time load shedding being announced . SOON I left the country to USA still a teenager. I still remember how my ego fell to the lowest point when I realized the AMERICAN LIFE and struggled like every student that comes here to study, I bit my pride and accepted my position and then worked anyjobs that came my way from restaurants to convinient stores to catering to even landscaping.I remember hearing about the Royal massacre and how all Nepalese mourned their death by shaving thir head, I recall the confusion and suspicion towards King Gyanendra. I remember reading the maoist uprising while killing many people , kidnapping school children and villages, I didnt understand much but I recall that the maoists were growing in power and number, I kept on hearing about the thousands of Nepalese dead and how Maoist had then captured most of nepal and Army was deployed. Soon the King took controlla and sacked the government for failing Nepal but soon he was kicked by the SPA and maoists that were organized by India to overthrow the king because he had warned the Indian Government to stay out of nepals internal afairs, Humiliated Indian government allied the sworn enemies maoist and the nepali political leaders and conspired to throw the monarchy and they succceded BUT they forgot that they just sold their souls to the devil maoists. Election happened and with fear and threat of another bloody revolution, a must win threat by the maoist or state capture within ten minutes put fear on people HENCE the maoist won, Now I see YCL criminals, Nepal broken to many pieces, many more armed outfits fighting eachother, India enroaching Nepali land, no water, no electricity, No law and order, every crime by maoists thugs pardoned by claiming to be politicaly motivated, maoist leaders picking a fight with the Nepal National Army because it refuses to includ politicaly motivated the maoists own PLA, and Nepal now demoted to one of teh POOREST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD. I see no good news comming from Nepal, no development at all, all I hear is the same old Political parties fighting to fight over POWER and a cut from the poor Budget of nepal. DISASTER EVERY WHERE,..........

   I paid my self through school and and then finally landed a good job, Then I remembering meeting the love of my life, good bye loneliness, good bye sadness, good bye depression, I finally had a purpose and the will to achieve the AMERICAN DREAM. and Im still working on it presently, WILL I ever be able to see Nepal like I used to before? will there ever be peace in Nepal??? will there ever be stability in Nepal?? will Nepal ever be known as a Developing country like it was before? will Nepal ever be united like before? will we feel the same feeling for Nepal like before this all devastation? Will Mother nepal ever forgive us? Will schools be like it used to be with kids from all ethnic races together??? will we still Be Nepal?? will Nepal still be a country or a state in India? I feel sooooo sad that those golden days of Nepal is now just a sweet memmories in ou heart. I am sad that this generation of kids will miss those days we had. They will remember all this bloodshed and lack of everything in nepal. We were blessed to have lived in that era only to be spoiled by so called indian pawn leaders. I wonder what I will teach my kids when they are born. I know I will teach them what I know about Nepal and WHO spoiled it all for us.................I want to go back home  and live a NEPALI LIFE.....not the AMERICAN life. I miss the Nepalipan and my friends, family, home town, basically I MISS MY NEPAL.........and now I look at Nepal I dont recognize it at all, Its not the same Nepal Its has been ruined, destroyed, painted in blood of thousands of brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers etc. OUR NEPAL IS NO MORE HOW IT USED TO BE. Its in a state of deep coma, and the doctors(Maoists and leaders) are slowling reoving the life line attached. They are Killing Nepal , the Gods have left nepal due to all this unnessary bloodshed. can all ethnic groups unit like it was before???? Its a sad thruth BUT NEPAL WILL NEVER BE THE SAME..............the tears in my eyes and the heaviness in my heart feels miserable and hopeless. I LOVE NEPAL AND ALL NEPALESE.........who brainwashed one nepal from another??? I dont know what will happen In Nepal but I see no end to this destruction of our mother land. THUKKA YOU ALL NETAS AND MAOBADI CHOR HARU......NEPAL AAMA KO SHARAP LE TIMI HARU SABAI LAI CHHODNE CHHAINA..............AAMA LAI RUWAYEKO PAAP PAKKAI LAGNE CHHA TA HARU LAI................NEPAL JASTO PYARO SHANTI PRIA DESH LAI NARGA JASTO BANAYO TA HARU LE....YES KO FAAL PAKKAI PAUNE CHHAS.........BINASKALE BIPARIT BUDDHI.

my head hurts now....need a pill LOL

JAY DESH JAY NARESH.